AboutNorthstar Expertise I can answer questions about how to make a long distance relationship work, how to work through conflicts that may occur within a relationship (ie jealousy, trust issues, controlling behavior, insecurity). I also know how to work WITH parents and siblings in a positive way so that they respect a couple's boundaries, and don't try to chase significant others away. I can answer questions about sex (whether you are being sexually harrassed, or if you are trying to figure out if you are ready to have sex). I can also answer questions about abuse (whether it is emotional or physical) and provide solutions and ways to protect yourself. I can also answer questions about how to read body language, how to approach a crush and get to know someone better. I can help people navigate conflict between friends and significant others. I know how to fix dating mishaps (ie how to minimize an awkward moment and turn it around to YOUR advantage).
Experience I had many different types of relationships when I was in high school, and I believe that going to college also helped me better understand the dynamics of dating. I have younger cousins that are in high school, and I frequently help them with their problems (and their friends' problems too!). When you are a teen, dating can be very confusing and tricky, I have the experience and know how to help people work through their problems in a positive way. I've dealt with just about every problem out there, from friends who gossip to over protective parents. I understand that when a problem arises, it can be devastating, and sometimes a person just needs someone to listen to what they are going through and provide some helpful words.
Education/Credentials I recently graduated from college with a BA in History.
Question Iam the type of guy that goes to parties and Iam fun loving. Iam a "redneck" to be vague and I havent had a gf in a while now. I dont know what Im doing wrong, Ill think that a girl likes me then she'll have a boyfriend the next day. I just wanted to ask you how I can get the courage to ask her out? Ive been turned down so much in the past year it has totally wrecked my self-confidence. I dont want to change for anyone and I like who Iam. How can I find a girl that likes me for me and not think that Im a fixer-upper?
Answer You need to stop focusing on the things you have no control over. You can't control how other women feel about you, but you CAN control yourself. You feel a loss of power due to all the rejection you have faced. So you need to focus on empowering yourself and building up your self esteem again. Forget about women and dating, concentrate on doing the things that make YOU happy. Continue going out with friends if that's what you like, try joining clubs, volunteering, going out for a sports team. The point is that you need to focus on boosting your self esteem and learn to ENJOY being single. You seem to think that just because you are single you are somehow missing out. The truth is though, if you can't be happy on your own, then being with a woman won't change anything. Sure you might be happy for a while, but discontent will settle back in.
If you can't make yourself happy, then nobody will be able to. I strongly believe that people have to be happy, secure, and independent BEFORE they start dating anyone. Otherwise the relationships unravel and fall apart. Many people date in hopes that someone else will be able to 'complete' them and fill the void they feel. This leads to clingy-ness, jealousy, suspicion, and insecurities of every kind.
Do what makes you happy, and don't worry about women. You are young, and you have plenty of time to meet someone that will enhance your life. For now, learn how to make yourself happy and don't stress about the things you can't control.
