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You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teen Dating Issues > She cheated but I still love
Expert: Dan - 10/25/2009
Question
QUESTION: My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. Apparently, she cheated on me several times within the 3 months before that. She said she fell out of love with me in those 3 months. However, while we sere still dating after that time frame, she did things that told me that she still loved me. I didn't find out about the cheating until after she broke up with me. Now, I still love her. I've gone from still loving her, to bitter anger, and back again. The reason I love is, I believe, the following: 1-she is what I've wanted in a girl and more, 2-I've never seen anything or one that was as beautiful to me as she is. All the girls I see everyday only insight lust, and I hate lusting, and I'm glad you don't approve of teen sex, because I' only 16 right now and I want to wait until marriage 3- I can't help myself for loving her 4- There are more reasons, but at the time of writing this I can't remember them. My friend Mandy tells me due to the fact that all her ex's treated her worse than a pile of dog dung, that she isn't used to someone genuinely caring for her like i did and do. She has been pregnant before, and I also wonder if she broke up with me because she was impatient for sex, but I only wonder that, because we are in the same church youth of around 30 to 40 kids, and because of possible trust issues from her ex's. I realize that just because we are in the same youth that doesn't really mean anything about the possibility of being impatient for sex, because people are going to do what they want. Also, she never mentioned anything about having sex with me. I need help because I am really messed up in the head. I am still able to "function", but she clouds my every thought. I would really appreciate your advice.
ANSWER: Hi,
I recommend your doctor. You should talk to your doctor about the above as they can help you move on. You can do better than her. If she "cheated" and had sex like you listed above, she is not right for you. Please ask follow ups. Talk to your doctor asap. If you list your state I can give you a hotline for advice.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: You are right Dan. If she can cheat and not be upfront with me about it, then I don't need her. It was an unhealthy relationship anyway. Thanks for giving me the time out of your day.
I live in North Carolina, Kinston. That's for that hotline you mentioned.
Thanks again. People have been saying that, but i guess I needed to read it. I wish you good fortune, so I'll be praying for you.
However, I do worry about her. I feel like her life is going downhill from here. She, from what I heard from our friend Mandy, almost got raped, but did get beat by what she assumes was her ex. But my mom brings a good point. She could be lieing about that to hide that her mom beats her. Being who I am, I want to help. But the fact that she really isn't honest with me is going to get in the way. So... got anything for that?
Answer
Hi,
I understand. I deny stuff a lot until I see it put down on paper. For the third party hotline here you go:
www.nineline.org/
1-800-999-9999
It's a tricky issue with your second question. I recommend talking to a trusted teacher who knows both of you. Also if you have proof her mother is attacking her and hurting her, you may need to contact child services. Here is the website that shows up for me:
http://www.ncdhhs.gov/dss/contact/
Please ask follow ups.
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