Expert: Northstar - 10/21/2009

Question
hi Northstar. sorry to bother you. i dont really have a question on dating, but it's a type of situation you might have some good advice for. im 17 years old, male. in highschool. the thing is im not really interesting in dating girls right now. im just focused on school and work. im trying to get my life together. ive never had a girlfriend. i wouldnt say the reason is because im shy around women, but it's really because i have respect for women. women dont want a nice guy like me anyway. women want a guy who treats them with disrespect. girls are attracted to jerks. i get it now. nice guys finish last. im ok with that. the problem here is my dad is always nagging me about not having a girlfriend. he's always been a ladies' man. the truth is im nothing like my father and im proud of it. im forced to live with him though. how can i get him to stop making fun of the fact that i dont have a girlfriend? he doesnt understand that i have respect for women. is there something wrong with that? if you think i have a problem will you please tell me. i would rather you be honest. is it ok for a 17 year old male teenager to not have a girlfriend right now? thank you for your help. i really appreciate it. "God Bless"

Answer
Both women AND men make the same mistakes when it comes to dating jerks. They are confusing 'love' with lust. Both women AND men are capable of becoming attached to another person, despite the fact that they are disrespectful, violent, manipulative, greedy, jealous, and possessive. So you're wrong if you think women are attracted to jerks. SOME women are attracted to jerks, and SOME men are attracted to jerks that just happen to be female. It's a cross-gender problem and not simply a female defect.

The people who date jerks are not mature (regardless of their physical age, their maturity level is lower than it should be). Some of them are simply in it for sex, or excitement, or they have low self-esteem and have adopted the belief that they don't deserve better.

Secondly, nice guys DO NOT finish last. You are young, and you have plenty of time to find a suitable girlfriend. There's nothing wrong with focusing on your studies and getting your life in order- but you must reject the notion that just because you are nice, you are always going to be single. You have what we call "standards" and they're a good thing to have.

As for your dad, you're going to have to sit him down and have an honest chat with him. Explain that you aren't interested in anyone, and that you are focusing on your own life right now. If he balks at your explanations, then ignore him. The next time he teases you about being single, simply shrug it off and say, "Did you ever think that maybe I choose not to have a girlfriend so I can avoid the embarrassment of ever having to introduce her to YOU?"

I'm sure the look on his face will be priceless. Sometimes the only way to shut a bully up is to beat him at his own game.

Good luck and take care.