Expert: Becky - 10/21/2009

Question
QUESTION: Ok well I was talkin to this boy and we started to like each other then he ask me out we started dating and we did it...but I was a virgin when we did and he knew I was. But after we did it the next day he went home and before he left he said that he was going to come back but he did not...the day we did it was on july 1 this year....for the forth of july I was suppose to come over but he told his cuzin to tell me that he don't want me to be their. So I brushed it off. I was going to be leavin on the 11 of that mouth for the summer for 2 mouths...but it seem after we did it he STOP callin me STOP comin over he just cut me off complety, and I did not know why? So when the time came for me to leave he did not even call me or come over so I felt, and about a week later I called him and to him I missed him and he said the same thing but when I got home he started to act the same way he did after we had sex.well into this day we have not talk he have not called me or came over...he didn't even break up with me...we techially still go out but I mean, I got the point went he walked passed me at a party and didn't even say hi!!!!!! I don't know it is fishie to me but I am hurt buy it and I just can't get it or him out my mind and I want to...I know its been mounts but I can't and I just want to knw how can I let him go and move on and do cry every time I hear his name.....I am dreaming with a broken heart!!!!help

ANSWER: I didn't really need to finish reading this letter to me, because it's pretty evident what happened.

You keep reiterating that "after you two had sex, he cut you off completely"... well? Is there a pattern here? He used you. I'm sorry, but that's the reality of what happened.

He came to you thinking that he could get what he wanted from you and you gave it to him. Unfortunately, that was all he wanted from you and you probably had this idea that if you did do it with him, he'd be yours. Wrong. Never think you can get a guy by sleeping with him - he'll end up treating you the same way as this guy did.

He wanted what he got from you and that was sex. He didn't want a girlfriend and doesn't want one still. Boys don't want an obligation to someone else. With that, they sleep with girls (to those that give in) and end up not speaking to them for a while because they want someone new.

Look at the bigger picture. He wanted something from you that you were capable of giving to him - never do that again with someone that isn't your boyfriend. A lot of guys will take advantage of you and you'll just come off as easy.

Move on and never look at this guy again, he's scum and you deserve someone that will give you better treatment than that... but if you continue sleeping with guys like this, you'll end up with someone that will treat you bad.

Good luck!

Becky



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: He was my boyfriend and we were going out for some time...he wasn't a friend...that's y I am so confuse!!!!!! And wen I ask him if that was wat he wanted he said no. He said if that was wat all he wanted he would of not stayed around as long as he did

Answer
Oh, well in the letter you weren't very clear as to if you two were an item.

How long were you guys dating until you lost your virginity? & really, no guy is EVER going to admit to that. I'm telling you this because it's a classic example of something that happens to girls everyday. No need to go and ask this guy, he won't be honest with you. Especially since he's been ignoring  you and doesn't have the decency to explain what went wrong, for him at least.

& have you guys been sleeping together for a while in this relationship? Or was it just this one time?

Write back

Becky