AboutNorthstar Expertise I can answer questions about how to make a long distance relationship work, how to work through conflicts that may occur within a relationship (ie jealousy, trust issues, controlling behavior, insecurity). I also know how to work WITH parents and siblings in a positive way so that they respect a couple's boundaries, and don't try to chase significant others away. I can answer questions about sex (whether you are being sexually harrassed, or if you are trying to figure out if you are ready to have sex). I can also answer questions about abuse (whether it is emotional or physical) and provide solutions and ways to protect yourself. I can also answer questions about how to read body language, how to approach a crush and get to know someone better. I can help people navigate conflict between friends and significant others. I know how to fix dating mishaps (ie how to minimize an awkward moment and turn it around to YOUR advantage).
Experience I had many different types of relationships when I was in high school, and I believe that going to college also helped me better understand the dynamics of dating. I have younger cousins that are in high school, and I frequently help them with their problems (and their friends' problems too!). When you are a teen, dating can be very confusing and tricky, I have the experience and know how to help people work through their problems in a positive way. I've dealt with just about every problem out there, from friends who gossip to over protective parents. I understand that when a problem arises, it can be devastating, and sometimes a person just needs someone to listen to what they are going through and provide some helpful words.
Education/Credentials I recently graduated from college with a BA in History.
I'm not really used to asking people from the internet for help about my relationship, heck, I'm not used to asking help on my relationship to anyone at all, but i stumbled upon you earlier this evening and you seem to know a lot. so i thank you in advance for the help.
so i suppose before i go on asking about my relationship and what i feel is going wrong with it, you would like to know more about the background of our relationship. so here it is:
i moved to the same school as my girlfriend now back in 9th grade. we're both now in our senior year high school. i didn't really know her then cuz i didn't have any classes with her. but i had around 3 classes with her in our sophomore year, and that's when my feelings for her developed. at first she was a bit shy, and i'm a pretty confident guy, so i teased her a lot and made practical jokes and all that stuff. she eventually warmed up to me. pretty soon, i realized i was falling for her. so i started flirting, and so did she. we started spending a lot of time talking after school getting to know each other. then i asked her out towards the end of our sophomore year. by then we'd already spent around 4 months getting to know each other. yeah, you might think that's a little slow for me, but hey, i didn't want to make any mistakes. so we dated until school was over, then we went off to our summer breaks. she had to go back to her country and me to mine. when we came back to school in our junior year after summer, we just picked up where we left off. and around october 2008, i had an asthma attack during a swim meet. i had to go to the clinic and wear an oxygen mask. and she stayed with me until it was time for me to go home. that night, i told her i loved her, and she returned it, it made my day. then i asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. until today, we're still together. so basically, we've been flirting for about 5 months before i asked her out, we've been dating for about 5 months also before i asked her to be my girlfriend. a year later, and we're still together.
the problem, though, is that i think i'm whipped. i'd do anything she'd ask me to. and i don't know if that's bad, but i don't want to be used, either.
i'm sorry this is already lengthy, but i'm going to tell you a bit more about ourselves so you have a clear perspective.
she turns 18 in a month and i've just turned 16 last august. she's really shy around people she doesn't know very well, she never really had to be shy around me cuz i'm a fun guy and i always made her comfortable. we see each other at school every day, but now we only have one class together and that depends on the day. she's more of an artist, and me more of a musician and an athlete. we have our dates in the mornings before school starts by watching movies in a nook; we do this after school, also. then we go out on some weekends. once in a while, she'll bring breakfast to school (chocolate and fruits) for our date. we graduate after this year and we're going to go off to college, we might not end up in the same schools. but we've already promised to try that even if we're no longer together as boyfriend/girlfriend in college, we'd try to remain good friends.
i love her a lot, and i know she tells me she loves me, but lately, i've started to doubt her. she always says "clever boy" in a kind of condescending tone. or "funny boy" when i've done something silly.
i've had a bunch of girlfriends before, but there was never one where i ever doubted their love for me, i've always been sure they did. but with my girlfriend now, i'm getting my doubts.
is there such a thing as being too nice? and being so, has my girlfriend lost respect for me? i really don't know. maybe it's just in my head. but i'd really like to know what constitutes a healthy relationship and if i'm in one.
Answer Based on what you have told me, it sounds like you are in a very mature, caring, and strong relationship. There is nothing unhealthy about it from what you've told me.
When she calls you "clever boy" or "funny boy" she may just be teasing you, but if it bothers you- simply ask her to stop. She could be stressed out from school, missing her home, or sad that you two will soon be far away from each other. You said that she's normally shy, and that you first warmed up to her by teasing her. Maybe she is just trying to tease you in a fun-loving way as well, but due to her shyness and her lack of practice- she comes off as condescending.
Simply sit down with her and have an honest chat. Ask her if she's happy, if anything's wrong etc. You could also try bringing breakfast every now and again. Do something small, sweet, and totally unexpected for her. Write her a little poem, make a scavenger hunt for her, carve a pumpkin together (since Halloween IS just around the corner).
I don't know why you are doubting her feelings for you, but I DO know that if ALL you have to go on is an odd remark here and there- then you're simply overreacting. Get all the facts before you jump to conclusions.
