Expert: Suzi Zimmerman - 10/27/2009

Question
hi, i once sent you a message, i can't remember about what, but this time, i want you to more like do me a favor than answer a question.
i read that you write about self esteem and self confidence...
are there any sayings that i could like learn that will help me, or boost my confidence, like if i am moving towards my crush? i want to have a sentence in my mind to keep saying over and over, other than i am great, as well, it doesn't work?
well, if you don't reply, it's ok, as it is stupid...any ways thank you!! :D

Answer
Start by not saying things like "if you don't reply, it's ok, as it is stupid."  This is NOT stupid.  It is a brilliant request, and I am happy to oblige.

I have not received many questions from Egypt, so I remember you.

I would start by writing a list of things you bring into any relationship, including friendships and your family.  For example, are you loyal, courageous, a good listener, athletic or fit, fun or funny, smart, "down to earth," organized, or what?  What are you good at, and what makes you a good friend, girl friend, daughter, sister, neighbor, student?

Then list 5 or 6 areas where you would like to improve yourself, and create a simple and attainable plan for making those improvements each day.  You might say, "I'd like to be smarter, so I will learn one new word each day and try to use it three times."  Then subscribe to a "word of the day" website or email group.  It's great to feel good about yourself, and you are on the right track with a saying, but daily improvement efforts can actually do MORE to improve your self-esteem that focusing on what is already good about you.

Then create a small, colorful poster about yourself, and summarize it with a saying of your own creation.  I know this isn't what you requested, but since I don't know you, it will allow you to personalize your own "mantra."

In case you need something without going through all the trouble, I'll let you use my saying:

I am a good person, and if someone doesn't approve of me, it's THEIR problem, not mine.  

When someone is rude or doesn't return a smile, don't personalize it by assuming it's about YOU.  It's not.  People don't set out each day to be mean or rude to others, but for some it is in their natures or appears as such in their personalities.  Sensitive people like you and me, we tend to think we don't meet their approval when they act this way.  This simply isn't true.  They are in their own little worlds, and we just aren't important to them BECAUSE they have their own problems.  Just allow your true personality to shine through anyway, and tell yourself, "It's not my problem they didn't laugh at my joke; it's theirs, and I'm okay with that!"

I hope this helps, Sherine.  Good luck!!

Suzi