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About Suzi Zimmerman
Expertise
I am a teacher and I write books on teen dating, self-esteem, and values. I can answer questions on making healthy choices, self-improvement, liking yourself, relationships and friendships, goal-setting, values, and how to handle making difficult choices.

Experience
Today 1 in 5 sexually active people has HPV (linked to cancer and genital warts) and 1 in 4 has Herpes. 90% of girls who do NOT use condoms become pregnant each year, and AIDS cases are on the rise. Those who do not have sex will not have to deal with these issues, nor will 99% of those who use condoms correctly and consistently. In short, abstain from sex or use condoms - and use them correctly. Parents of adolescent and teen girls should research Gardasil, a vaccine against many forms of HPV. You may not think your daughter will be sexually active, but this will also offer her certain health protection in the event of rape - or should she become sexually active.

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Teen Dating Issues - long term relationship

Expert: Suzi Zimmerman - 10/28/2009

Question
Hi! im dating this girl for about 7 months now. most of our time has been realy special but in between she did have a kinda fling with her ex bf. but her ex is some gone case.. its been an year since their break up and he still can't get over her and keeps calling her again and again. and since they both are in the same class. she has trouble ignoring him.
Im 17 and she's 15. even after her ex thing which happend i can say these 7 months have been amazing. we live few blocks away from each other.
well we'v been having ups and downs lately.. like being cold to each other and mean but at the same time being realy sweet. we could feel the love at the same time we could feel something else aswell. all of a sudden she tells me that she wants to end this cause she wants to focus on studies.. with tht she even says tht she still loves me. I dnt knw why she's doing that. i convinced her to still stay in this relation bt yea did mention that i dont think u'll be happy if i dont give u much time.
i realy do love her alot. i want to make this thing work. but i kind of am having doubts again about her ex bf. i dont knw why.
i wana get rid of these doubts also i dont want this thing to end.

Answer
David, you are young, and so is she. What you are experiencing is the cycle that most early relationships must endure. You (and she and I and everyone else) were not meant to marry the first person you dated. You weren't meant to be a great biker the first time you got on a bike, either. It's all about learning.

Of course you love her, and of course she loves you: you are special to one another. But being special, feeling love, does not mean you are "it" to each other.

It also doesn't mean you are over. Face your doubts. Ask her about her ex. Talk about the coldness and the warmth. Don't be afraid to communicate with each other, to argue if you must, or to take time away. These are all normal, just as it is normal to retain feelings for an old love.

If it helps, journal your feelings. Sometimes writing things down helps us to organize our thoughts and feelings.

My philosophy on love is simple: It cannot be forced; if it happens, it happens.

So talk to her, take time apart if needed, and learn a new word for your love other than "thing" (which sounds disrespectful).

Good luck, David!

Suzi

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