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About Suzi Zimmerman
Expertise
I am a teacher and I write books on teen dating, self-esteem, and values. I can answer questions on making healthy choices, self-improvement, liking yourself, relationships and friendships, goal-setting, values, and how to handle making difficult choices.

Experience
Today 1 in 5 sexually active people has HPV (linked to cancer and genital warts) and 1 in 4 has Herpes. 90% of girls who do NOT use condoms become pregnant each year, and AIDS cases are on the rise. Those who do not have sex will not have to deal with these issues, nor will 99% of those who use condoms correctly and consistently. In short, abstain from sex or use condoms - and use them correctly. Parents of adolescent and teen girls should research Gardasil, a vaccine against many forms of HPV. You may not think your daughter will be sexually active, but this will also offer her certain health protection in the event of rape - or should she become sexually active.

You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teen Dating Issues > meaning

Teen Dating Issues - meaning

Expert: Suzi Zimmerman - 11/6/2009

Question
What does this mean?Does she want to or not?
What does it mean when I tell a girl I was thinking that we should hang out sometime,just as friends and she tells me she has no clue because she has a busy school year/schedule

Answer
Alex, first off you shouldn't tell a girl "I was thinking that we should hang out sometime,just as friends" and have any expectations at all. People who are "just friends" hang out - they don't "talk about hanging out sometime." That's what people do when they want to date. So my guess is she was either confused - unsure if you really wanted to hang out just as friends (because, again, you would just say "you want to join me and some buddies for the game on TV Sunday" rather than a generic future commitment to hanging out) or if you were feeling her out for something more. It's what I would have thought.

And when a person gives a blanket statement that encompasses the entire "sometime" spectrum and sounds disinterested, she probably is disinterested. No one can write off their entire social life a semester ahead of time due to being too busy. That was her way of saying "not interested" without hurting your feelings. Again, don't let them be hurt because you really didn't ask the question right in the first place. In a more comfortable situation, she might have joined you.

So my advice to you is to be more specific in the future. Say exactly what you mean, and give a time and a place. "A few of us are studying for the mid-term at Denny's tonight over coffee and pancakes. We'll be there at 11. You should join us." Avoid phrases like "just as friends." It's implied that people are just friends unless someone says otherwise, so to say it as a disclaimer of sorts sounds awkward and more like a "come on line" than a come on line would sound.

Hope my advice helps. Good luck!

Suzi

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