Expert: Suzi Zimmerman - 4/17/2009

Question
I live in Minnesota and have two questions as it relates to these subjects.  First, this girl I really like and love to hang out with is turning 16 in June, where I'm 23 (24 in October.)  I have fully respect her and only wish to make her happy, my goal isn't to sleep with her.  

1)  Is there anything negative that can come from a guy my age dating a girl of her age?

2) Even though the age of consent is 16 in Minnesota, is there still chances I can get into serious trouble if something sexual actually did happen?

I ask the last one because I've searched and it's really hard to get a straight answer.  at 16 is the legal "have sex" age, but I keep reading things like "13 but less than 16 and so-so months older" for punishment laws.  Do these laws still affect me after she turns 16?  Can her parents issue more than a restraining order against me if they get upset?

Thanks for your time.

Answer
I am not a legal expert, so I can't answer legal questions.  However, I've never heard of a state in which the age of consent is so young.  Please, please double check your facts before so much as blowing her a kiss.

Second, this is just asking for trouble.  Why not date someone 18 or over?  Sure, she's a great girl, but she's a child and you are an adult.  In a little over two years it won't matter, but right now, it's odd to say the least.  

Is there anything negative that could happen?  I suspect that legally you are mistaken and that she is not at age of consent until 17 - which is the case in most places in the US (although the state does decide this particular matter, so you could also be right).  In the US, there is no "legal age" to have sex - at least none I've ever heard of.  Other countries do have legal ages.  Could your source perhaps be a foreign one?  Besides legally, it simply doesn't mesh out.  She can't go many of the places you can, your friends won't "get" her, and her friends won't "get" you, and both of you still need friends, and already you are having to consult with an expert about the unusualness of the situation.  THAT in itself should tell you that there is something negative about the relationship.  It's already complicated by the simple issue of age.

She's still growing up - and while you should be an adult, you seem to still have maturity issues, too.  You should be dating grown women, so why aren't you?  Why are you "hanging out" with a little girl?

As for her parents, do they know the two of you are teetering on a relationship?  If you are seeing this girl privately (not even sexually - but without her parents' knowledge), then they already have all the ammunition they need to make your life miserable.  Even if you have never touched her, your secrecy (if there is indeed secrecy) could be considered criminal because of your age and this email to me.  It shows intent even though you say that's not your goal.  It obviously is.  So YES, they could get a restraining order against you unless she emancipates herself from them.  Long as she's a minor (under 18) living in their house, she is their responsibility.

TC, very plainly you are walking in very dangerous waters.  DATE GIRLS WHOSE AGES DO NOT MUDDY THOSE WATERS WITH COMPLICATIONS BEFORE YOU EVEN GET A CHANCE TO KNOW THEM.  It's very simple.  She's too young for you and you are too old for her - at least for another 26 months.