Expert: Nicole - 6/18/2009

Question
The girl I'm dating is best friends with this other guy that she used to really like a lot. I'm jealous of this guy in particular. She knows this, but i'm still afraid that she might still kinda like him. How do I try to talk to her about my jealousy without her getting mad and so that she doesn't think I don't trust her?

Answer
Brian,
That is really great of you for being mature and realizing that telling her this could potentially hurt her too. Whenever we are jealous we always thinks its about me me me and that our significant other needs to change their ways to make us feel better. But in truth it usually hurts them just as much to see the pain they're causing us, and also to have to potentially give up the thing that is causing all the jealously. I recommend sitting her down and telling her how you feel. Say that you are being honest and you just want to get it out there and see how she feels. Let her know that you are not trying to attack her in any way. You never know, she might not even realize she is hurting you right now. Tell her that you would really appreciate knowing if she has any feelings for him still. Make sure you are very calm and polite and don't raise your voice or make her feel threatened. Good luck!