Expert: Suzi Zimmerman - 6/18/2009

Question
hi everyone. Im a little confused. I asked this girl out who i work with most of the week, after we got out of work. She said yes almost immediately. We couldnt schedule a date for any time between now (wednesday) and sunday due to our changing work schedules and her going to "xyz" part of the weekend (which i knew about before i asked her out) I said we'll figure it out by sunday or monday. So we talked for a few minutes, then she asked me to get ices. So we went and I was being myself, we were chatting, but not really flirting much, or at least not much physically (we flirt a bit at work). We got the ices, went back to our job so I could get my car, talked for a little bit. Then I gave her a hug and she said something like "i'll let you know about next week" or something like that.

Why im confused is that, should i have been a little more flirty or something while we were hanging out, since i did ask her out not 10 minutes prior. I had not anticipated hanging out with her much right away once asking her out, whether she said yes or no.

I have little experience with women, or I should say i can be shy and/or awkward at times, though ive overcome most of my shyness recently, girls included (mostly with flirting, talking was never much of a problem) I analyse my situation a little too much sometimes as well. But i have a great sense of humor, am laid back, and dont generally worry about what other people think of me.

So does anyone think she may have lost interest or anything, or am i freaking out for no reason?

Answer
Fred, you sound like an amazing guy.  Several things you said make you a great catch:  "I was being myself."  "ive overcome most of my shyness."  "i have a great sense of humor, am laid back, and dont generally worry about what other people think of me."  Those are all qualities that girls seek in guys, so relax.

"I'll let you know about next week" could very simply mean "I'll get back to you with a good date and time."  Since she already said yes, and enthusiastically by your account, don't let your imagination go crazy.  If you were yourself, then either she likes the REAL YOU or she doesn't.  You can't change yourself to please another, and I promise you that there are lots and lots of girls out there who seek boys who refuse to be anything but themselves.

I'll tell you a secret: When I started dating my fiancee (three years ago), I started to hit "send" on an email - but I hesitated.  I read the email over and over, certain that there must be something in it that would make him dislike me.  I'm a bit of a comedian (a wannabe funny person), but at that moment I was just convinced I needed to be "who he wanted me to be" rather than myself.  Finally I just said to myself, "Forget it.  If he doesn't like me with all my silliness included, then he doesn't like me."  I sent it.  He replied moments later that he "loved" my silliness and my confidence to be myself.  We got engaged two months ago.  I've never regretted just being ME.

So if she has lost interest because you were YOU, then it wasn't meant to be in the first place.  Sure, you MIGHT have flirted more, but if that wasn't you at the moment, then don't let it bug you.  My guess, however, is that all the feelings the two of you have built up over time didn't just fizzle in ten minutes.  Relax.  Don't ever consider not being yourself because you think it will impress a girl.

I hope my words are helpful.  Good luck!!

Suzi