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Teen Dating Issues/Would this be inappropriate? In dire need of your help.

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Hello Suzi,

Im so happy that youre willing to help people like me - youre always so proffesional and always come with alot of helpful advice to people. I got the utter most respect for you. :)

Now, Ill try not to bore you with this or make it too long, so onto it.

The thing is - I met a girl about 2 years ago in my old highschool class. I immedieatly had a crush on her, but to one of the parties she told me not to look at her and go away (at that time i was trying to get courage talking to her and helping her with taking some boots on I think).

Some time later, when I realised she hated me and thought i was stalking her, we were the only ones in class left and I knew she had to go talk to our teacher so I let her come first - because the only way i could please her would be to get her away from me as fast as possible. But to my suprise she stayed, even after i had to talk to the teacher - and afterwards we just randomly talked, and started walking next to each other - and before i knew i had followed her all the way home. Well i was lost so she had to follow me back, which was kinda awkard - but she asked me if i wanted a hug - which i also made super awkard of course.

But from that day we were together each day in school, and always worked together etc -- she is the prettiest and sweetest girl ive ever seen, but for some reason the other girls pushed her away -- and she didnt understand it, me neither. And they started (in the winter) to throw snow at her, grab her and bully her. I wasnt much in school due to my issues at home, and i couldnt support her. But when I came back - I tried defending her, and as they were waiting outside I was ready to defend her and lose all my friends for her if they would harm her - luckily i got a teacher and stopped it. Her mother came and they drove away. Everyone was talking and teasing usabout dating.

Anyway -- some time went by, and i met her family - her mother thought i was the "nicest guy on the the planet", and her little brother thought i was super cool and all. It was great.

But i was shy, didnt have any confidence, and whenever i was alone with her we just hugged..i never got to make any moves on her.
I wasted my chances.

At a party at school she wanted me to go - but i didnt want to, but i went for her sake -- she even asked me out to dance with her...which i fucked up again...she got me with her girl-friends and right away her best friend asked me if i thought she was sweet, i was really scared and just said yes i think so - and she told her, and "awww youre sweeet too"...i was confused maybe it was a sign or not -- quickly i made an excuse and left.

I one day tried saying - I like youre hair style -- and for then next couple days she kept that hair style which also made me wonder..

Well she changed class, and i left school and lots of things happened. We lost conact.

Now on my new school 2 years later - things are better than ever. Ive never had so much confidence, my relationship with girls works wonders. So many girls told me their secrets, even things they wouldnt tell the other girls like some of them has anti-depressive medicine, and im so happy to hear that i went from just a classmate, to a friend, to a good friend to a really really good friend to now the best and sweetest friend they ever had.

Its great. But now -- my point -- i found this girl again on facebook -- i took contact to her - and we had alot of great talks -- it feels like im finnaly back 2 years later now.

We planned that Im going to watch her play theater 29-31 january -- and we talked about meeting in christmas, but we couldnt due to both of us being busy. I helped her on a huge project in school -- i tried asking if we should meet etc -- but she said she was too stressed - so i tried helping her giving her notes etc - and she was super thankful for it - and things were great. :)

Now..2013 is coming. And I found out she still doenst have a boyfriend even though two guys from her class CLEARLY is in love with her, they spam pics of her, goes to parites with her etc etc -- i get so mad seeing it - but i think its just friends..but the way the one guy holds her..i am disgusted..that prick i think -- i know its because im angry on myself on how i behaved back then.

But now -- I found out she is running aswell -- alone. I asked if we should do that, and she was ok with that one day perhaps.

I was told my by friends that i had my chance and i just had to hope -- i know i shouldnt push too much and on purpose i wont answer her 24/7 sometimes.

Well now -- i was wondering...what do i do?

I told her that hey i didnt give her a christmas present, and she called me silly and said no i shouldnt do that - in a fun way. (just on chat) --- so right away i thought of (since i know her favorite chocolate is the same as mine) buying her that as a little gift -- since i shouldnt do anything too special right away.

But would that be appropriate now i meet her to buy her, her favorite chocolate perhaps?

She wants to be an actress and whenever i support her or call her a princess she seems so so so shy and insecure.

Now she just turned 18 a month ago and i+m 18 as well.

I got complimented alot in my school that im really really good at giving massages and using advanced techniques, and I know I can do a superb foot massage, in a very romantic way, with warm towels, washing her feet, and making her super relaxed. But the thing is...how to get to that?

For me most girls -- like my ex girl friends often HATED me -- until they learned me to know -- Im a submissive guy of nature, but alot of girls looks up to me -- i often love to pamper and treat them like princesses, and my ex girlfriends needed alooooong time before they realised i really meant that id sacrifice my wishes for theirs and do everything for them - since they never had guys do that before.

Now -- my real questions is:

1. Should i buy her a gift? in that case her fav chocolate?
2. should i ask if we should run together, and perhaps make her tired so her feet hurts, or just so i can give her a massage and break the touch barrier?
3. anyway i can hold in hands with her, go to cineme with her? etc i mean i need to ask in person -- but ive been very unlucky with girls too that the right moment never comes or i miss it.
4. Now im going to see her in the late january 29-31, but should i ask if we should meet earlier?
5. what would be some good ideeas? running together?, giving her a massage? just going for walks together? -- im really unsure on what i can do.

I just know that i will do everything and i only got one chance - i know for sure she is not in love with me - its been 2 years -- but i know i feel ready now.

Any advice you can give me would be great. Also if i should chat to her regularly?

Im really not sure on what to do here -- in school i often sit with 8-10 girls -- i choosed to stick with them rather than some other girls and my guy friends..i had to make a choice. Now it feels like i gotta do it here aswell.

I hate myself for how i missed my chance back then --- so do i got a chance now...and what to do?

Im willing to do anything -- I know my strength is when im completly alone with a girl. But im still very shy though people dont look at me like one -- and i want to tell girls so often how pretty they are, how sweet they are...and everything but i know that society has taught women to be suspicious and they think im a stalker if i do it or think i just want to get in their pants. Im not like that at all.

its been around 5 days since i chatted to her on facebook since i never replied.

I cannot thank you enough for just being willing to read this big cluster**** of me rambling with all my gibberish.

I feel so humble and exicted that you might be the one helping me to finding a solution and finally get to the stage of being able to call this girl my girlfriend and my queen. <3.

Oh and -- i do train everyday, workout alot, I got excellent grades in school, and several people called me the nicest guy, but my fear is still being called a stalker or weirdo since i can never be honest or tell people girls or guys how much i like them, how wonderful they are etc..

but thats not my question sorry for mentioning that - just my mental issues.

I wish you a very happy new year, and I cannot thank you enough for this chance.

I send you my most humble regards and best wishes to you Suzi.

Answer
Anders, your question is very long.  I'm going to touch on a few outstanding points and your list of questions.  

First, regarding confidence, most people feel exactly as you do.  The BEST way to deal with confidence issues is this: Be 100% true to yourself.  Be as silly or as quiet or as talkative as you want to be.  In life, you will have to find someone who likes you for who you are, not IN SPITE of who you are.  So be natural.  It is the ONLY way to find happiness.  It's the only way to find a mate who will be devoted.

Regarding telling people things when you are uncomfortable speaking: Tell them, "I am not normally comfortable expressing my feelings. I'm not sure why.  So I hope you will understand that how I act is more important than what I say.  When I become more comfortable with you, maybe you'll give me the courage to relax and speak more freely."

Regarding your questions:
1. Should i buy her a gift? in that case her fav chocolate? That's up to you.  Small gifts that show you listen are more important than expensive ones.  If she's always losing her pen, get her a pen with her name on it.  If she loves chocolate, get her a simple box.  Don't try to impress her.  Show her you are in tune with her.
2. should i ask if we should run together, and perhaps make her tired so her feet hurts, or just so i can give her a massage and break the touch barrier?  Run, yes.  Massage, no.  Massages are either strictly FOR intimacy or strictly business.  Don't rush that.  And speaking of creepy...a massage might be a little weird at this point.  But later, when you are comfortable touching, fine.
3. anyway i can hold in hands with her, go to cineme with her? etc i mean i need to ask in person -- but ive been very unlucky with girls too that the right moment never comes or i miss it.  Take your time.  Go to the movies.  Enjoy each others' company.  If hand holding is an option, it will present itself.  
4. Now im going to see her in the late january 29-31, but should i ask if we should meet earlier?  Personally, I think there is more value in not rushing it.  Get busy with your life.  Make plans.  Get a hobby.  When she says, "What are you doing?"  Your response should sound like a guy whose life is interesting, NOT a guy who's itching at the chance to get together.
5. what would be some good ideeas? running together?, giving her a massage? just going for walks together? -- im really unsure on what i can do.  She likes theatre?  Take her to plays.  Read theatre books (I've written 5) at the bookstore.  Get her tours of the backstage areas at a larger theatre.  Take an improv class together.  Ask her to practice her scenework for you.  Better yet, volunteer at a local theatre without telling her.  Then, when she asks what you've been up to, explain you've been involved in this great theatre production!l

I hope this helps.  I wish you the best!!

Happy New Year,

Suzi Zimmerman Petroff

Teen Dating Issues

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Suzi Zimmerman

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I am a teacher and I write books on teen dating, self-esteem, and values. I can answer questions on making healthy choices, self-improvement, liking yourself, relationships and friendships, goal-setting, values, and how to handle making difficult choices.

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Today 1 in 5 sexually active people has HPV (linked to cancer and genital warts) and 1 in 4 has Herpes. 90% of girls who do NOT use condoms become pregnant each year, and AIDS cases are on the rise. Those who do not have sex will not have to deal with these issues, nor will 99% of those who use condoms correctly and consistently. In short, abstain from sex or use condoms - and use them correctly. Parents of adolescent and teen girls should research Gardasil, a vaccine against many forms of HPV. You may not think your daughter will be sexually active, but this will also offer her certain health protection in the event of rape - or should she become sexually active.

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