Teen Dating Issues/I need an answer
Hello, I hope all is well with you, my question is long, but please hear me out.
I am in this relationship with this great guy; he's everything I've wanted/needed in a man. There is an age gap (I'm 20 he's 27) but that doesn't matter to us. Recently we've been getting really personal in our conversations, and when I say personal, I mean on the level of intimacy...now I'm a virgin, and sex terrifies me, because I know what it can do to people...I've seen the power sex has over people...I can't handle physical contact very well, I shutdown...but anyway I asked him last night if he was just trying to sleep with me and the conversation goes as follows
Him: "Well if that's what you think what's the point? Why wouldn't I want to sleep with my women. That's what couples do. Stop over thinking this. Yes, I want to sleep with you, hopefully you want me too."
Me: "I'm not over thinking anything, I mean I just don't want you to be trying to just get sex"
Him: "I'm not, I want it all, you in my life"
Me: "I want to be in love first before I get that physical with someone...I just don't want to be used for sex, the first guy I make love to, is the guy I am going to marry. Idk I just noticed we talk about intimacy a lot"
Him: "Well I guess I thought we were there, I am, I see you're not there."
Me: "I am it's just frightening...please don't be mad at me, I'm not trying to fight with you."
Him: Well you have to trust me...I'm really falling for you; you're all I think about..."
Me: "I trust you"
Him: "Well that's all we need sweetheart to make it through...I have a big heart...I want to give you all my love...We have to make this work, stop trying to doubt yourself and me..."
*****Okay I know that was a bit much, but that was just an excerpt of last night's dialogue; I really do like this guy and I want to continue seeing him, and even marry him, but he's ready right now for marriage and kids, and while I want that one day, right now is not tangible.I'm only 20, but he feels it's the perfect age to get married; now granted he is financially stable, but I'm not, I'm only 20! He understands, and no he doesn't force me to do anything. He is honestly a sweet guy, he accepts me as I am, he listens to me and doesn't judge, and no he isn't pressuring me to have sex, but last nights convo really threw me, it's making me sick to even think about the fact that I could be a piece of meat to someone, that would be so violating; the thought just moves me to tears...but idk please tell me what you think. DO you think we could work, do you think he is real, do you think I'm wrong, do you think he is just looking for sex. Maybe I am overreacting... Thanks and have a blessed day.
Number one, while this may seem harsh, never look to heavy into every action, text, thing said, etc. Girls that are clingy or overbearing, or those who are overdramatic throw guys off. By getting rid of all that, you then can think with a clear brain, mind, and make a decision. By your nature as a woman, you will do the 3 things above at some point. So this is not new.
Now to the messages....
If he wanted just sex from you, he'd have it by now, number one. Or he'd be done and find another girl to sex up. Seriously, if a guy wants sex it's possible to get. The fact he'd rather do it with you shows he loves you and just wants you, no one else.
And number two, think about it, why would a guy not "want" to have sex? And not "want" it to be with the girl he loves? You put him in a corner with questions and messages. He isn't lying by saying he wants it to be with you. But you again, put him in a trying position with questions you ask and how you ask them. You make him answer truthfully, but that truth is twisted. You hear bits and pieces of it and not the whole story. It's like watching a movie half way through, you see the end, but without the beginning you have no clue what's going on throughout.
My take, the guy seems pretty good. If he's in it just for sex, you'd know. Naturally with him being older, he'd like to have it. But every guy does. Name one who doesn't and I'll call you a liar. So, that being said he's behaving like any other. Am I saying to give it up to him? No. Do that only if you wish.
It is always good to have sex with the guy you love, someone you've been in a long relationship with or are married to however. So, simply tell him that if you like then you need to put a ring on it, lol. And if he does in fact, ask you with a ring and all then that's one way to see he's serious. Most guys would be like, well, "bye".
You can do other things besides intercourse, but holding off intercourse until marriage is not wrong. Oral sex and several other things are possible to do if you must do stuff together. If he loves you, he'll understand that. But do keep in mind, him wanting to have sex is not wrong. It's just normal. If he leaves you over sex, that is when you know it's all he wanted.