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Teen Dating Issues/Can't get her off my mind


QUESTION: Dear, Suzi
         I have been great friends with a girl by the name of Ashley for over a year now, but little does she know I have had the biggest crush on her for so long.  Ever since we met in math class last year we've hit it off. I've always been able to make her laugh and have been there for her at tough times, a number of things have prevented me from pursuing her though. One being that she happened to be in a relationship all of last school year. Respecting the relationship I never made a move on her, she also has a very strict mother so seeing her outside of school would have been very difficult, especially since i'd be graduating in May. I've never tried to pursue her because of those reasons, but still never gave up hope that I would have my chance at her, my only concern being that she only looks at me as a friend since that's what we've been for so long. Ever since I graduated high school last May we've seen each other only one time that being recently when me, her and her brother hung out at the mall and it was just like old times with me constanly making her laugh and us just enjoying each others company. The bad thing about it was that she's since gotten another boyfriend and with me barely being able to see her at all now since i'm out of high school my shots at a chance with her are even lower. I've already accepted that I can't afford to wait for a chance with her to open up and that I have to pursue other girls it's just that I haven't been too successful with the last few girls i've talked to and because of that it's hard to keep her off my mind. I still to this day hold on to a bit of hope that i'll get my chance, but i'm becoming very impatient and frustrated with the situation. Both of my brothers told me to just give up because the hassle just isn't worth it, but it's hard for the reasons I stated. Hoping you can provide me with some useful advide on how to deal with this situation. Thank you.

ANSWER: I think I would tell her how you feel.  Your letter to me should be almost exactly what you say to her.  It's really sweet.  Even if it doesn't win her over, it is saying all the right things, and no on can condemn you for that.  You have to at least try before you give up.  Imagine how you would feel years from now if you learned you had a chance and didn't try!

Be prepared for both a positive reaction and for a negative one.  How will you react?  Sometimes, it's the reaction that seals the deal.  If you behave admirably, despite the outcome, you will set the bar high for all the guys that follow!  Then, if she turns you down today, someday some guy will disappoint her and she'll remember that sweet gentleman who always had her best interest at heart.  

I wish you the best!


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for the advice. I have wanted to tell her for quite some time the only reason I haven't is because she has a boyfriend at the moment and I don't want to interfere with that. I don't know the guy, so I can't speak on him. All I know is she hopped into the relationship very fast after breaking up with her previous boyfriend which she has a history of doing. I understand though she has a tough life at home and not many people she can turn to, so I guess having a boyfriend fills the void, temporarily at least. Just in my case i've just proven to be there for her all along, so I hope it's something  she realizes. I want to tell her so bad, but her boyfriend is the only thing that's in the way. Should I do it anyway or wait?

That is noble, but if she jumps from one relationship to the next with no break in between, you won't get "a break" unless you take one.  Perhaps you should explain that you've been wanting to tell her for a while, but the time was never right, and fearing that it never would be, you had to take a chance.  I would do it.  Don't rush, but don't let too much time pass, either.

Teen Dating Issues

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Suzi Zimmerman


I am a teacher and I write books on teen dating, self-esteem, and values. I can answer questions on making healthy choices, self-improvement, liking yourself, relationships and friendships, goal-setting, values, and how to handle making difficult choices.


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