Teen Dating Issues/A crush


QUESTION: I like this guy. He used to flirt alot at first. Somehow I feel things have changed. He walked me once to my bus. And he used to come and sit with me ad my bestfriend when we were sitting alone after class. When I dd something new to my hair he was like you look beautiful. I saw him in an outing with a girl, I see him alot with that girl. But of they are in a relationship? Why would he flirt with me and all of this. Why?? When I saw him an the outing by coincidence. He looked happy when he saw me and came up to me. Whenever he would say anything the girl would hold his hand and tell him come. He would come to me again and said if anyone annoys you come and tell me then she was like come come. I told him go with her. I didn't really understand this. In school , he stands on front o my bus when going home. But I can't really tell f he stands to see me or see her. Her bus is next to mine. I dot really know. Today he took my phone and typed his number. I don't know what to do. I like him soo muchhh and I want to know if he likes me or not. Should I go ad ask him if he's dating her? Or would I sound alittle nosy? And what should I do to know if he likes me or not. My friends don know anything about it. I don't want to tell anyone!!

ANSWER: Mai, I notice you are in Egypt.  I have never been to Egypt, but I imagine things are very different in our two countries.  I am in the United States.  So, as you read my advice, keep that in mind.

Here, boys and girls can, and often are, friends.  If the boy and his female friend were involved in a relationship, I don't think he would come over to you in front of her and give you his attention.

It sounds like he is interested in you.  If you are interested in him, show him, but be subtle.  Keep your expectations platonic.  Be his friend, and when you are comfortable, you might explain that you are confused by his other female friend.  If you are friends, it is not nosy to say, "The two of you are dating?"  Or you might say something like, "I'm very picky about my friends and even pickier about boys; I would never dream of spending time with someone who had other romantic interests."  That way you don't accuse him of something.  You simply set your own values and boundaries.  If he acts defensive, you can say, "I'm not saying you would do that.  I'm just telling you what I will and won't do."

Lastly, NOT telling your friends is secretive.  Why?  If you like someone, your friends should be the first to know.  Your friends are your support system.  They encourage you to do the right thing and discourage you from doing the wrong thing.  If you keep secrets from them, you are denying yourself that support.  I would tell them.

I hope this helps!!



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hey Suzi! I saw him today. When he first saw me he was like ohhh you look beautiful. He kept complimenting me for a long time. And my bestfriend was with me, he only complimented me. I felt that e wanted to keep the conversation going. I saw how about we go sit. He agreed but we stood for another 2 mins or something. A music was playing and a friend of his came so he took him and went to dance. I didn't get so mad but I wanted him to sit with me.he saw me again and came and stood with me for a long time. His friend came, then my crush said Mai we'll have a walk for a whole and come back to you. He said it to me even though my bestfriend was sitting beside me. I could watch him looking at me from afar alotttt!! I don't know what I do I feel like I'm getting attached to him more ad more each day. Idont think he's in a relationship with the girl I told you about. They didn't stand together today. I don't want to go through this, falling for a guy who gives me mixed signals and then I'll end up alone again. He won't feel something for me, and I'll get heartbroken and I would have wasted y time o him.

Don't rush it.  Let time do its thing.  You just stay true to yourself while building a friendship with him.  Good romances are built on solid friendships; if it grows to something stronger than that, great.  If it doesn't work out, don't curse it or wish it hadn't happened.  Heartbreak is normal and expected. It is what makes young people into strong, experienced, wise adults.  So don't focus on "what happens if it doesn't work."  Focus on making a new friend, and while you are growing that friendship, figure out whether or not he shares the values that YOU want in a romantic partner.

I wish you the best!


Teen Dating Issues

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Suzi Zimmerman


I am a teacher and I write books on teen dating, self-esteem, and values. I can answer questions on making healthy choices, self-improvement, liking yourself, relationships and friendships, goal-setting, values, and how to handle making difficult choices.


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