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Teen Dating Issues/I need help deciding on what to do.


QUESTION: Hi. i'm 16 years old and im a junior in high school. i like this sophomore in my class and i asked her to my prom and she said that she couldn't go but she said it was very sweet. i was very nervous so i just sat there and smiled and she smiled back and walked back to her group. i then caught up with her in the hallway and asked her if we could hang out during spring break and she said she may be on vacation with her parents. so i then asked her if i could at least call her and she smiled a little and said ok. she wrote the number on my hand and we said our goodbyes. i asked someone when i should call her and they said on the upcoming wednesday to give her a little time to enjoy her spring break. they said that i shouldn't call too early so i won't sound desperate and not call too late so it would not look like i didn't care. i really want to get to know her because i think she is gorgeous and i want to spend some time with her. what should i do?

ANSWER: Giving her a little time is a good idea.  I realize it sounds a little like "playing" to use tactics that attempt to manipulate an impression, but it does work.  It is ALL about impression and making yourself look desirable.  However, once you open the door, those things really don't matter.

It boils down to this: she needs to think you are a prize (just as you think she is).  So you want to appear busy by BEING busy.  It is important that she knows that your life is full of meaningful activities, and that you have to make time for her.  Don't make her feel bad about it, but also don't rush to answer the phone on the first ring or text her back immediately.  Be cool about it.  

My rule of thumb is 1:1.  Call her, but don't call again until she calls you. One to one. That way you don't seem overly eager or intrusive.  You make her do half the communicating.

Hope that helps.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for answering my first question,very informative. I tried to call the number she gave me but it turned out to be someone else's. the number she gave me has what looked like a reversed five. i tried calling all the other possibilities that could com but could not find her. I believe that she did it by mistake because i try to keep faith. People i told said that she did it on purpose because no one just makes a mistake on writing down their phone number. i really wanted to spend time with her this spring break. What do you think and what should i do?

Girls give guys the wrong number as a way of getting rid of them.  It's an old trick, but it is an easy way to avoid having to tell a guy, "I'm not into you."  I think she tried to tell you that by saying no a couple of times, but you were persistent, so she figured she'd just send you on a wild goose chase.

Don't let it get you down.  It happens to just about everyone.  Some people are too nice to say no; others just want to be jerks.  I think in her case, she just got tired of you not taking no for an answer.

What to do?  Forget her.  If you try to contact her, you look like a guy with no self-respect.  You have to accept that she tricked you and deal with it.  I'm not saying "get mad."  I'm saying, "Get REAL."  If you see her again, smile and walk away.  If she talks to you, simply say, "Look, I get it.  You aren't into me.  I'm ok with that, but what I'm not ok with is acting like what you did was acceptable.  But I do appreciate you showing me why I could never date you.  Goodbye."

I know it sounds mean, but what she did, giving you false hope, was inconsiderate.  If you DID continue to give her the time of day, you'd be telling her you are ok being treated poorly, and she'd probably continue to treat you that way.  But by telling her that her behavior was undesirable and didn't live up to your expectations, you are telling her that you have standards and she fell short of them.  One of two things will happen.  One, she will walk away and learn a valuable lesson, or two, she will think you are so hot for having a healthy self-esteem.

In either case, you win bonus points for focusing your attention on a nicer girl, so walk away!  

Sorry, you asked my advice, and that's the bottom line from where I sit.  Keep your standards high!!


Teen Dating Issues

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Suzi Zimmerman


I am a teacher and I write books on teen dating, self-esteem, and values. I can answer questions on making healthy choices, self-improvement, liking yourself, relationships and friendships, goal-setting, values, and how to handle making difficult choices.


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