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Teen Dating Issues/Approaching a Girl

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Question
I'm 16 and a junior in high school. Recently I've been seeing this freshman that I find pretty attractive.  I want to approach her one day and talk to her but I don't know how to do so. I've done something like this before with a girl I liked but it didn't turn out so well. I was extremely nervous and shy. I was also maybe a little over-aggressive. Basically my question is How should I go about approaching this new girl? I wanted to get a female perspective.

Answer
The best way to approach a girl is NOT as an admirer but as a friend.  This especially true if your current attraction is based on just thinking she's attractive.  This means you probably don't know anything about her, her values, interests, etc.  

If you are unsure how to approach her, watch her to learn what her interests are.  For example, if she's carrying a book and you can read the binding, maybe you can use that to strike up a conversation.  "Twilight.  You're reading it?  I've been curious to know how the books compare to the movies.  Any good?"  Or, if she's wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt, say, "Man, it's so cool to see a girl wearing a Zeppelin shirt these days.  You like classic rock?"  Also, see who she hangs with.  Figure out if you have a connection.  For example, maybe one of her friends is in one of your classes, so maybe there's a way to connect that way - like make friends with the friend - not to use her, of course, but to expand your friendships.  Then, when you see your new friend, you can feel comfortable going up to her after school or at lunch and "bump into" the attractive girl.  Even then, don't show interest too quickly.  THAT ONE, in particular, needs to look VERY natural, or you'll blow your cover!!

The cool thing is that, by observing her, you will get to know more about her than just that she's pretty.  Those things you'll learn are the true "bones" of a relationship - much more important than looks.

Let me know if there's anything else.  And good luck!!

Suzi

Teen Dating Issues

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Suzi Zimmerman

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I am a teacher and I write books on teen dating, self-esteem, and values. I can answer questions on making healthy choices, self-improvement, liking yourself, relationships and friendships, goal-setting, values, and how to handle making difficult choices.

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Today 1 in 5 sexually active people has HPV (linked to cancer and genital warts) and 1 in 4 has Herpes. 90% of girls who do NOT use condoms become pregnant each year, and AIDS cases are on the rise. Those who do not have sex will not have to deal with these issues, nor will 99% of those who use condoms correctly and consistently. In short, abstain from sex or use condoms - and use them correctly. Parents of adolescent and teen girls should research Gardasil, a vaccine against many forms of HPV. You may not think your daughter will be sexually active, but this will also offer her certain health protection in the event of rape - or should she become sexually active.

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