You are here:

Teen Dating Issues/Long distance relationship and college

Advertisement


Question
Dear Abhi,

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, we are very serious and I truly beleive that there is no one else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with, however I am almost 18 and he just turned 18 and we just graduated from high school.. Our predicament this summer has been that he is working and I am not so we spend all the time we can trying to soak up dinners and time together because in the fall I will be leaving to go to school across the country and he is staying here for college.. What would you suggest we discuss before I leave? How do we keep in touch effectively? And what about our hornyness how do we deal with that so far away from each other? (We both know that we don't want an open relationship)

Thanks!

Answer
Hi,

It's great to see you are dealing with this maturely. The most important thing that I think you two should discuss is the 'rules' of your relationship. College is full of new experiences and its easy to get carried away specially if you haven't discussed what you are not allowed to do. You should try to keep in regular touch, I would recommend talking every day even if it is for a little while, preferably on video. If you can't manage that try to make as much time as possible for each other. You should talk at least a few times a week.

Long distance relationships can get monotonous so try to keep the flame alive by trying out new things. You can send parcels and plan visits. Try to think of different ways to say you love him. Regarding hornyness, you can try many different things depending on what you are comfortable with. One of the most effective ways is to tease him, maybe send him dirty texts when he is in class. You can also try phone sex or video if you are comfortable with it. But don't try to step out of your comfort zone as it can cause you friction between you two.

If you are trying long distance you have to be ready for an extremely hard relationship. Its difficult if your boyfriend is not close to you. You will miss the feeling of closeness and it can get frustrating at times. People often find it easier to give up on a long distance than wait, and I'd suggest that if you feel something similar try to remember why you went into a long distance relationship with him and how much you love him. If can be hard but believe me it will be worth the wait.

You will also fight at times, mostly about stupid things. Try to work out your fights as soon as possible and don't keep things bottles up. It's very important in a long distance relationship to keep communicating specially about your problems. After some time you will get in a groove when you can understand each other.

Always remember that the most important thing in any relationship is trust. You should be able to trust your boyfriend and he should be able to trust you. If there is no trust between you two a long distance relationship cannot work. So try to never give him a reason to distrust you and if you feel you need answer about something don't be scared to ask him. It's always better to talk things out than getting suspicious with him.

I'm glad you don't want open relationship because in my experience they rarely work. In the end one person starts getting jealous and arguments start brewing up. You have to be really mature to make a long distance relationship work. Just try to stay in contact as often as you can and talk try to about everything.

I hope this helps. If you have any other questions don't hesitate to contact me again. Hope it works out.

Regards

Teen Dating Issues

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Abhi

Expertise

I can answer basic questions about relationships like how to meet the right person, how to express your feelings, how to cope with long distance relationships. I cannot answers psychological issues. I believe that being a young person I can understand teenage issues much better.

Experience

I believe everyone has some experience about dating once they reach their 20s. I've had long distance relationships, gone through bad break-up, struggled through difficult times and learnt to accept others. I believe I have enough knowledge to understand other's problems and I am willing to help them.

Education/Credentials
College Bachelor Degree

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.