You are here:

Teen Dating Issues/Boyfriend's mother is tearing us apart

Advertisement


Question
Hello,
I am a 17 year old girl and have been with my 17 year old boyfriend for almost a year now. Over the past two weeks his mom has been telling him things to try and break us up. Some background information, I met her right after we got together and have always been really nice to her. He is an only child and his mother is a bit anti-social. A couple months after we got together, I fell extremely ill and have been in and out of hospitals and unable to attend school for the past 9 months. Due to circumstances beyond my control, doctors have been unable to give me a diagnosis and a cure for my problem so I have been coping with it as best as I can. She's tried telling him that she believes I am faking sick just for attention because I have been sick pretty much our whole relationship with no answers. She has told him that she wants him to be with a girl who will make him happy (he is extremely happy with me) and one who can be more "active" (because I have been sick I haven't been able to do much physical activities and I'm not fat but I am slightly chubby and she is extremely skinny). She has told him straight out that she disapproves, she does not like me and she thinks I'm a filthy bitch. Unlike most cases where the guys mothers are against the girlfriend, he fully supports and defends me and disagrees with her completely and isn't afraid to tell her that. So, she started saying that I have turned him against her, and that him being with me is a direct insult to her. I understand that some mothers have issues with their sons having any woman making them happy other than her but this seems to have taken to an extreme. She's never said her opinions to my face but whenever she is alone with him the only thing she wants to do is to tear me down. I am constantly crying because of the hurtful things she says and does and I can't take much more of it. I do love my boyfriend and I know he truly loves me, but I won't be able to handle the stress of having her tear me down every opportunity she gets at least until he moves out of her house when he turns 18 in a years time. We have tried everything we can think of to get her to stop but she's relentless and says that she is entitled to her opinions. I have been on the fence about just calling it quits so I will stop being hurt but my boyfriend is fighting hard to not lose me because I make him happy and have always been there for him, even saved his life, and have shown him what it's like to truly be loved. I don't want to lose him, but I don't know what to do about always being upset and hurt. Please help me with something we can do

Answer
Hey Katelyn,

Thanks for writing in and dropping a word. It takes a lot to open up about issues in the back of the mind and when its related to our heart, it takes guts to pen down left alone talk with someone about the same. I appreciate your gesture in pouring your heart felt emotions and seeking a helping hand for the same, which clearly reflects that how much you devoted towards your relationship and want to make it smoother at any cost. Kudos to you !!!

Well you understand very well why his mother is behaving that way and I am surprised at such young age you have that maturity. You are right when you say that, mothers feel insecure when they find that their son is in awe of another lady and is not giving them that importance which was the case in the past. I would rather be very simplistic in my advice saying that, you guys seem to be trying very very hard and you need to calm down a bit. Foremost your bf needs to sit down with your mother or take her out for some vacation or some outing, where can talk openly with his mother and make her feel that he is still devoted to her and things haven't changed with his gf coming in scene. He needs to assure her that mother would always hold importance as she has throughout his teenage. His mom feels that choosing a gf on his own, would make the guy be after the girl always and he would ignore the parents, which is not the case. Your bf have to stop praising about you always infront of his mom and at times let her have an edge. When you guys together let him praise his mom more than you, so that his mom feels more special and let her have an illusion.

I understand very well how you must be feeling and must be tearing you apart. Kudos to the guy for supporting you, but at the end of the day , you need to sit back and realize that relationship always has to be long lasting. Today you feel torn apart, tomorrow in future, if by any means his mom agrees and you both get married, there are bound to be issues, quarrels, then your bf would feel torn apart between two ladies. Do you wanna get into such scenario or think about in starting itself? You are mature lady and you know all the facts, just pick yourself up, sit back think about your priorities for once and take hard stand. You can't lose your mental peace always at such young age.

Just go out and give your best and  things would fall in place...

All the best !!

Cheers,
Relationship Counsellor
Bringing smiles on the faces on the way .....

Teen Dating Issues

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Relationship Counsellor

Expertise

I am quite experienced and matured enough to handle questions related to following topics: 1) Love- Friendship 2) Issues in all kinds of relationships. 3) making a relationship work. 4) Effective tips to sustain a relationship. 5) Sex related queries. Well as of now haven't come across any such questions, which would offend me or I lack expertise in, but am a straight forward person and doesn't hold my wordings back. I don't mind being honest in case I lack knowledge about particular aspect and quite flexible to accept genuine views of others or seek other professionals for my case studies, to help the clients out.

Experience

Well I have been doing online counseling through my own blog ( http://world-of-relationships.blogspot.in/) for past two years. I have got good response throughout, which has motivated me in going ahead and helping people in their relationship issues and bring a smile back on people's face. I don't say that am a professional in this area, but well sufficient enough to contribute in the aspect of Modern Day Relationships.

Education/Credentials
I have been an IT professional throughout my work experience of 8+ years associated with IT MNC's like IBM, Infosys Technologies to name few. I have conducted effective counseling sessions for different corporates I have worked with in my private capacity and contributed effectively to employees striking quite a balance in work and personal life.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.