Teen Dating Issues/Won't commit to me yet
I'm 18 yrs old and there's this guy I've been talking to and hanging out with for the past few weeks, although I've known him for a few years. We've recently gotten physical, as in holding hands, cuddling, and making out. We hold hands wherever we go and aren't afraid to show some PDA lol. So we're kind of like boyfriend and girlfriend. Well when we first started hanging out romantically a few weeks ago, he was on a "break" with his girlfriend of 10 months. A couple weeks later, his girlfriend officially broke up with him for good.
Ever since he's started hanging out with me, his ex has been crazy and super jealous. She's texting him angry messages all the time trying to control what he does, telling him not to be with me, that he's an asshole and that he's just trying to make her jealous, etc. Yesterday me and him went to a high school football game, and his ex was there. She started cussing us both out in front of me and whenever we'd run into one of her friends, they would cuss us out too and start screaming at him for hurting his ex. It was such a mess, and I kept being dragged into it because I was the "new girl." I hate drama, so I was really frustrated with all of it and I told him that and he felt really bad.
Later that night I pulled him aside and I was just like "So are we together?" And he's like "Well, not yet we're not." And I was like "Why not yet?" And just to kinda paraphrase what he said, he's like "I have all this drama to deal with with my ex and it's such a mess right now, if we become too official it's just gonna make this situation even messier. I love spending time with you and I like you a lot, but as far as becoming official, I just want to wait to do that until after all this is resolved. It's not fair to you that all this is happening and you're in the middle of it. I just need time to think about all that's going on before jumping into a relationship. But until then I really do want to keep seeing you." And then he's like "I really don't want to break your heart, so I'm gonna try my best not to do that. There's no reason that I would want to stop hanging out with you." He even told me he'd be jealous if I was hanging out with other guys.
So I'm just confused on the whole situation. Is his excuse for not wanting a relationship right away amidst all this drama with his ex a valid excuse? Or do you think he's just making up a stupid excuse because he just doesn't like me enough to be official with me? What do you think? I'm so confused, please help! Thank you for your time!!
Thanks for writing in and dropping a word. It takes a lot to open up about issues in the back of the mind and when its related to our heart, it takes guts to pen down left alone talk with someone about the same. I appreciate your gesture in pouring your heart felt emotions and seeking a helping hand for the same, which clearly reflects that how much you serious about working your relationship out at any cost. Kudos to you !!!
Well, I would be very straight forward and honest with you here and would not be giving you any false hopes. The guy has still not got over his ex and he still loves her a lot. His ex is quite dominating types and also sees things at her comfort zone and devalued her bf a lot. So this guy's patience went off and to find solace, he got attached to you. You gave him that calmness, soothing environment and also pampered him, made him feel valued and special, which his ex didn't, so he felt a comfort zone and change. Add to that you guys got physical, made him more be with you. But at same time, he also won over his ex by making her feel jealous and show her that he also can get cool chick by his side. All in all, he is in win win situation right now, as his ex is jealous and would try all ways to woo him back, which he is waiting for. And right now he already has a chick in his hand to pour his heart and make out with, so he is not loosing anything.
He is not committing to you citing all stupid excuses of emotional stress and drama, so that when he and his ex gets back together, he can always come back and say to you that you have been such a darling friend, but I didn't feel that special connection, though I like being with you and you can't create a fuss, as he never officially agreed to be in relationship. You are still being with him, valuing him, giving him time and love, so that you win over with him and be with him, but he doesn't have the same feelings.
Writing is on the wall dear, you are not a toy to be played or shoulder to be used when in stress, you are a human, who has emotions and need to be valued by man around you. When you make love or hold his hand, you do with emotions, but deep inside it hurts that man doesn't have same feelings. Don't stretch it so far, as it can be killing in future.
Just go out and give your best and things would fall in place...
All the best !!
Bringing smiles on the faces on the way .....