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Teen Dating Issues/How do I talk to a girl not in any of my classes?


QUESTION: Long story slightly less long, there's this girl. During freshman year I liked her and I'm sure she liked me. It was so obvious and I really should've done something but I barely got to see her in school. During the end of that year, she seemed to get less interested in me so I really didn't care much when summer came. She was always in the back of my mind.

Sophomore year, by coincidence, her locker was next to mine and she was in a couple of my classes. I realized that I should go after her, it was worth a shot. So I actually started to talk to her. At first it was on and off flirting because some days I just got nervous and some days I didn't. Eventually, I cut that out and I realized I should ask her for her number or to hangout or something around December. Unfortunately, I started to slip up left and right. I never did it. The thing is I'm 100% sure from then and to yesterday that she would've said yes, too. I guess it's because I never really got this close before. She probably does know I had a feelings for her because I've told her I thought she was beautiful, pretty, and all these other things. (Not frequently though, only a few times). I lost contact over the summer, could never ask for her number idk why.

Now I don't have any classes with her this year (11th grade) and it's a serious struggle finding her in the hallway. Im pretty sure her homeroom is a few doors down but that's it. Any help.

ANSWER: Girls like guys who are willing to risk big. Go up to her and say, "Look, I like you. I've been wanting to ask for your number for three years, but I've been too shy. Last year, I got away without it because our lockers were close. But this year, we aren't close at all, and that just isn't going to cut it. I'd be honored if you would give me your number and even more honored if you'd go out with me."

Bam! It's done. Rip it off fast, like a bandaid.

Then call her and ask her out.

I realize I make it sound so easy, and I also realize it's not, but if she's worth it, do it!

OR, write your name on a piece of paper with your number and stick it in your pocket until you see her, and then put it in her hand. Say, "I really need to talk to you. Please call me," and walk away. Then, when she calls, spill it! That one might be a bit easier, because you save all the emotional stuff for when you are on the phone, which might give you a bit of courage.

Again, if she's worth it, just do it. If you don't do it, you are basically saying you are too scared to try. So, try!

Let me know how it goes!!


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I talked to her after school, for the first time in a while, it was for about 5 minutes while she was walking out. I said bye but while she was walking away, but still close, I told her to text me sometime and she just smiled and kept walking. I'm not sure if she dodged the situation and walked away or whatever the hell it was. The question is should I just leave it alone or try again. I'm confused.

You put the ball in her court. Now keep smiling and saying "hi," but wait. Once you put the ball in someone's court, it's their ball. If she calls, awesome. If she doesn't, she can't (is dating someone or isn't allowed to date) or isn't interested. Either way, you did your part, and I couldn't be prouder!

So, on the "follow up" note, let's say you did go talk to her again and say "call me" again... What that does is let her know she doesn't have to because you keep bouncing back. You're eager. I know it sounds a bit like "game playing," but it's not. It's about being true to yourself. If you are too eager, some people will play that, use you, manipulate you. You have to know how to "self preserve," and that includes having self-respect. You "put the ball" in her court and you get poised to play, but at some point, if the other person doesn't play, you have to know when to get out of the game. Otherwise, you lose your self-respect. Make sense?

Again, I'm super proud that you talked to her and told her to text you. Now, give her a little space but continue to be your sweet self. Never let silence or disinterest turn to sour grapes. You simply don't know what's going on in her world and how that might change. In the end, good guys ALWAYS win!!

Take care!


Teen Dating Issues

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Suzi Zimmerman


I am a teacher and I write books on teen dating, self-esteem, and values. I can answer questions on making healthy choices, self-improvement, liking yourself, relationships and friendships, goal-setting, values, and how to handle making difficult choices.


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