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Teen Dating Issues/Mixed feelings :(

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Hi Suzi . My question isnt a problem really, it is a problem with myself mostly. Im 19 and have never been in a relationship before. A true relationship. Yes , Ive liked someone but he turned out to be a total player and so on. I pretend the fact that I have never been in a relationship doesnt bother me , but it bothers me . I was so innocent ( i still am) till 18 . Like i had never kissed a boy or stayed close to a male except for my boy schoolmates who were total jerks :P and i was unattracted to them. And when i turned 18 i gave it a try, mostly just to know what it felt but he just kissed me and then was trying to*pressure* me into partying , clubbing, going to his house and so on. I said no and moved on. My parents have always been overprotective and everytime i just dated sb ( i dated only 2 boys, i liked only 1 though) i couldnt tell them because i wasnt sure of the person. i mean i either didnt know the person well so i didnt have what to tell to them about him( thats why dates are) or he either wasnt right for me. I have friends , even more mature than me who like women who are pure , have moral and so on but i sometimes feel the pressure from boys because everyone i meet is rather dirty minded or over exaggerates the facet ive never been with a man or is just too controlling. I know im only 19 and life s so long but it really freaks me out that i might not find sb anytime. I havent told this to anyone and as the saying goes: if u seek sth too much , u may never have it . I m just being over obsessed with this and i dont wanna sound desperate because im not dying for a man but the pressure around society is big. I am not manipulated by the pressure but it gets me wondering whats wrong with me? Like everyone says im cute and have the sweetest smile and i just cant find someone right . It has been a year so far that i dont go to dates because mostly i dont wanna embarras myself in front of the parents because he ll be someone not worth it and im worth it , and a nice person. There s not anyone cool enough in the school either . The only two men i dated- one of them i really loved but he was a total player and the other one was obsessed with me but still had issues with his ex so i distanced myself from him. Matured guys have tried to talk to me but they seem too controlling , like i cannot express my ideas easily because their way is the right way . I dont know seriously. do men stil like ineexperienced women, real dates? Do men still bring you flowers, bring you to a nice restorant with violin music or hang your coat, or hold the door for you? That is what i want, respect, love not someone drunk who steps my feet into a club ( where ive never been in my entire life). Men have changed a lot . I mean am i normal? are these stuff only in movies? Thanks

Answer
You sound like a romantic, and yes, there are still great, old fashioned romantic men who do like and appreciate women who value those qualities, as well.

Don't let the pressure from anyone else change you. You are perfect the way you are and should never allow others' personal values influence YOUR values. Period. I have so much respect for you because you have stuck to what you believe.

So be patient. Some day a perfectly IMperfect man will buy you flowers and appreciate your purity and your values. He will be IMperfect because that is all there is. No one is perfect, so you have to find a man whose imperfections are a good match for you. AND it's important that you keep your standards HIGH so that, when you find him, it was worth the wait.

I hope my letter is helpful. Please feel free to let me know how it goes. I have the feeling it's going to be pleasant and totally worth it!

Best,

Suzi

Teen Dating Issues

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Suzi Zimmerman

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I am a teacher and I write books on teen dating, self-esteem, and values. I can answer questions on making healthy choices, self-improvement, liking yourself, relationships and friendships, goal-setting, values, and how to handle making difficult choices.

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Today 1 in 5 sexually active people has HPV (linked to cancer and genital warts) and 1 in 4 has Herpes. 90% of girls who do NOT use condoms become pregnant each year, and AIDS cases are on the rise. Those who do not have sex will not have to deal with these issues, nor will 99% of those who use condoms correctly and consistently. In short, abstain from sex or use condoms - and use them correctly. Parents of adolescent and teen girls should research Gardasil, a vaccine against many forms of HPV. You may not think your daughter will be sexually active, but this will also offer her certain health protection in the event of rape - or should she become sexually active.

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