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Experience High school graduate
I have studied psychology for a number of years
Expert: Dan Date: 10/20/2007 Subject: Boyfriend Putting me down
Question QUESTION: My boyfriend and I of almost a year has been treating me really different latly he talks to me so much more disrespectully and we argue all the time and fight.. Hes irrtiable and I have that feeling that he could turn any moment and be like "I dont care about you" he hasnt said it its just a feeling.. and he defends his insults all the time; and points the blame at me like I did it. somtimes he dosent even wanna talk to me. I feel emotionally abused and neglected he has a horrible realtionship with his mom; and I wonder somtimes if he thinks that gives him the right to treat everyone else crude and rudely. What do you think could be going on our fighting has never been so hurtful before. I feel fogged out. Its almost biopolar like because he tells me he loves me more than anything. I dont wanna lose him but I told him my walls are up which means im pretty much defensive about his actions latly; Im very emotional and hes been so much less understanding its not working and then he just trys to turn around. What should I do and any Idea why hes possibly changing. I actual ended up crying in the middle of a class at school because was so harsh and mean to me. Everyone talked about and still are.
ANSWER: Hi,
Can I ask for ages? Can I also ask exactly when this started and how it started? Can I ask how long you dated him?
Please ask follow ups
Our abusive relationship experts are also recommended
If ever in danger contact the police
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: were both 17; This all started about a month ago; basically around home coming dance when I tried to get him to dance to music he hated and didnt feel comfortable. He eventually yelled. He kept pulling me off to the side and I was like "quiet pulling off to the side of the dance floor" Then He like blew up out of nowwhere and yelled "Im Not Pulling You"
I ran out of there crying.He did apolgize meaning fully and I could tell he did understand. then after that his behavior changed dramtically more inconsiderate, ingoreing, and rude.. after this happend on the ride home I kept telling him it was ok and it wasnt all his fault. He barly responded to anything I said. Just in his own head ingoreing me. Hes been diagnosed with ADHD. I try to remember that somtimes. And will be going out for a year Novmber 2 coming up. I just really wanna turn this around we were never like this in the begin.
Answer Hi,
I recommend Parenting Teen expert James Windell. 17 could point towards bipolar, yet I have a feeling it's not from what you said. Again I cannot label people here. I am not a psychologist. It appears like to be honest he is stressed and exploded and noticed how good it felt to get off all of this stress by yelling at others. Yes, yelling can be a stress remover. Holding things in is not good, but of course I don't promote yelling to remove stress. I recommend other ways to remove stress. But, when he acted out on you, he noticed it felt good, and well it could be why he is acting out more on you to try to remove this anger in him. That's of course not right and he would need professional help. Your relationship should be a happy place. It's not.
I guess I should ask the following questions. Note the above is just a theory and anger problems do need professional help. I cannot label anyone here.
1. Has he ever done drugs? Is he on drugs?
2. New friends?
3. Is this a stressful time for him?
4. Family problems?
5. How does his parents and family treat him?
6. Does he go to the gym?
7. Explain his eye movements before and after one of those outbursts? This one could be hard, yet I'm just wondering if this can signal to any type of problem.
8. How are his school grades?
Please ask follow ups
P.S. Can I contact a coworker about this? ADHD label does not mean super much, so I won't go into this.
Talk to your parents about how he is treating you. They should keep an eye on you and can offer advice.
I will tell you this, I don't think you can treat him by your self for anger problems do need professional help. We can talk more about this. I have a bipolar brother and boy, what can I say
