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About Matt
Expertise
I can answer many questions in this area. I can help with asking someone out, getting over a breakup, and much more. If you are questioning yourself as to whether or not what you're doing is right or not, please feel free to ask me. I know much about teenage dating, considering I still go through many of the issues myself. I love helping other people, and there is no question that I will not attempt to answer.
Experience
I am a teen myself for the most part, therefore I have much experience in this area. I have been on dates, good and bad. I have broken up with, and been broken up with several times.
Publications
I have posted several poems on the website known as www.poetry.com
Education/Credentials
I am currently a Jr. in High School. At the end of school, I hope to go into the field of Psychology to learn more about people and issues they face.
Awards and Honors
I have some educational awards, as well as other ones as well. I always look forward to earning more awards.
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You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teen Dating Issues > Confused
Expert: Matt
Date: 6/5/2007
Subject: Confused
Question
me and my ex have been apart for about 10 weeks now. We dated for over 2 1/2 years. I'm doing my best to get over it, but it's hard because we still talk and he likes to flirt w/ me randomly. Anyway. He's dating a girl he met from another school and has been for at least a month or two now. For some reason, i see that he still wears the things that i gave him for his birthday and stuff like that. I don't really care that he wears a shirt that i gave him. But what bothers me is that he wears the necklace i gave him for our 2 year anniversary. I'm not sure if he's wearing it out of habit because when i gave it to him he never took it off. When we were dating he told me he wore it to bed and wakes up w/ it on. Sometimes i think that he's wearing it because he forgot that i gave it to him and just likes it. Then i remembered that he's the one who picked it out. Then sometimes i think that it's his way of saying that he never cared about our relationship and that my present meant nothing to him and neither did our 2 year anniversary. Then sometimes i think it's his way for him saying that he still does care about me and can't completely let go, but then i think that if he did. he would be w/ me and not w/ her and would have treated me better when we broke up. Anyway. I would really like to know why you think he's wearing it and if there is anyway i could ask him and how i should do it. I would have to do it over a text message because it's summer now and i don't feel comfortable calling him. I'm kind of scared to ask him why because it could either help us talk over the summer or it could get us fighting. Help!
Answer
Hello Sarah. That's nice. One big long story about one thing of jewelry? That's okay though, and I can understand a little. Unlike you and your ex-bf; I have never kept in contact, with any of my ex gf's, but kept what I recieved from them (cd's,ect,ect.). Let's see how I can help you though. :)
You said you dated for over 2 1/2 years, and have been apart for 10 weeks, but it's really bothering you. Why is this? Do you still like him, is this why? Think about this: who broke up with who? If it was you with him; there must be a reason.. If it was him with you; then he could just be wanting to try others. Maybe he got bored with you? Maybe he's just wanting someone else, since he's with someone else now..
He could very well be wearing this necklace out of habit, or HAS forgotten you got it for him.. However; since he's apparantly the one that picked it out; there's a good chance he's just wearing it because he likes it. While you ARE right about how he could have treated you better,(even thought I don't know what happend, and what didn't) when you broke up some guys can be cruel, cold, unfair, selfish, and immature I admit.
If you really like him as more than a friend still; which is what I'm sorta reading from you, although you want to know why he wears this necklace/shirt/and flirts,ect. with you, you want to be careful not to let it on to him too much. You may make him want you back, and even think twice about staying with his current gf.
This in my opinion, is something very wrong, and I despise it.. I DON'T approve of it at all.. People in a relationship should stay together, unless it's bad.. If a couple breaks up, then one gets with another person, the other one shouldn't do ANYTHING that would even have a possibility to break the two current ones..
I'm not saying you're doing that, because I don't know you, nor him, but I'm just saying to be careful.. This totaly suprises me.. Not once, in that story you said, you never mentioned the word "love"! That's a first.. Whether it's because you didn't know where to use it; or if you don't know if it's love or not, is beyond my knowledge.. I just wanted to state that I realized that, and please save the words "I Love You", in any relationship you get in because it can save a LOT of the pain you may endure if you ever broke-up..
As for your overall answer; if your intentions are to break him up with his current gf to get with you, then ask him straight forward why he still wears it.. If you're just wandering why he has it on; and still flirts with you, ect. there's a possibility he still likes you. If you'd like to ask him; ask him by Indirectly-Questioning him about it.
There are 3 options I can suggest..
#1-Say something like you're new to it, or forgot it.. Something like "Is that necklace you wear, the one that I got you before?" or.. "That necklace looks familure" or something along those lines.
#2-Ask him if that necklace you got him still fits good. Maybe not though; it may make him think you're insulting him, because depending on the type of guy he is, he may take it like you're saying his head is bigger or something.. Possibly try something like "You really like that necklace I gave you, don't you?." or something similar to these..
#3- Please follow these instructions: Go to our AllExperts Main Menu-->Teens-->Teen Advice-->Teen Dating Issues--> and ask this question to our Expert, "Donnie". He's good with advice.
I really honestly don't know how to really answer this question of yours, and I'm very sorry..
Good Luck with this, and please feel free to Ask Follow-Up Questions as often as you like, and question me about anything in the future. --Matt--
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