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About Matt
Expertise
I can answer many questions in this area. I can help with asking someone out, getting over a breakup, and much more. If you are questioning yourself as to whether or not what you're doing is right or not, please feel free to ask me. I know much about teenage dating, considering I still go through many of the issues myself. I love helping other people, and there is no question that I will not attempt to answer.
Experience
I am a teen myself for the most part, therefore I have much experience in this area. I have been on dates, good and bad. I have broken up with, and been broken up with several times.
Publications
I have posted several poems on the website known as www.poetry.com
Education/Credentials
I am currently a Jr. in High School. At the end of school, I hope to go into the field of Psychology to learn more about people and issues they face.
Awards and Honors
I have some educational awards, as well as other ones as well. I always look forward to earning more awards.
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You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teen Dating Issues > confused
Expert: Matt
Date: 7/2/2007
Subject: confused
Question
QUESTION: Hi. I just got out a relationship with my boyfriend of two and a half years. I am very confused at the moment because things were great i was hanging out with him and his family and having a great time like we always do. one night he wanted to hang out with his friends and i said that was fine all i asked was for him to call some point in the night to talk for a few minutes but he never called and when i called him the next night he was really short with me. then a few days later he didn't want to talk to me or see me. I know he still cares about me by most of his actions but then there are some actions that make me question it. I was told by someone one night when he was drunk that he was flirting with other girls and was holding some girl and rubbing her leg but then other people are saying thats not true at all that he hit on a few girls but never touched one. I hate hearing that he has hit on other girls but i know when you drink thats how things go. I have been away most of the summer and i understand it is probably tough for him but i was thinking me being away gave him a chance to hang out with just his friends. i am away right now and attempted to call him or im him and try to figure things out now but at the same time i feel i should leave things alone for now and talk when i get home.i know he has been very stressed and such so i am trying to give him some time to himself but i just feel it is unfair to me. do you think this is a good approach or do you have other suggestions? or any idea what might be going through his head or what caused this situation.
thank you and i apologize if this is hard to follow
ANSWER: Hello Sarah. I just recieved your question when I was checking my e.mail so I figured I'd get right to you. I need a little more information if you want me to help you to the fullest that I am able to. However; once you reply, I'll be answering your question later because of more questions I have recieved before yours. I hope you don't mind this. My questions below are as follows.
-How old are you both?
-You said that your boyfriend must be stressed because you've been gone, is this really true?
-You say he drinks/gets drunk. Do YOU drink yourself?
-How happy are you two for the most part? I mean: Does he treat you well?
-When he is sober; does he flirt with any girls? Based on what I read: I'm guessing not.
Please answer these questions, and any other helpful advice and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks, --Matt--
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: - We are both 18 he will 19 shortly
- I didnt mean to say hes stressed because i am gone. he is having some personal problems right now such as money, school things he needs to figure out, and some other personal things he says he needs to figure out.. he also gets depressed during summer and holidays because his family is not as close as he wishes and in the summer everyone is going away and he usually has to stay home
- yes he does but not often and mostly with his guy friends or me. yes i do drink myself but as well not often and not a lot when i do
- we are incredibly happy of course we have our little arguments but they usually don't last too long before we are laughing and having fun again. yes he treats me amazingly well, for example he has money issues but he finds other ways to make up for it such as making our own personal little movie theater, cooking me dinner, massages, and bunch of random messages
- when he is sober he does not flirt with other girls. he is faithful to me in all aspects and if he makes even the tiniest mistake tells me right away
okay thank you
Answer
Hello again Sarah. I "Canceled" your last Follow-Up Question before this; so I don't answer the same question 2 times, which I'm guessing you can understand my reasons for it. Also: After today: I may put my status to "On Vacation" for at few days because of the Fourth of July I will be spending with my girlfriend tomorrow AND Wednesday. Then this weekend; I may be going out of town. Lets see if I can help you now though.
I honestly don't know what caused this situation of the break-up. Nor do I know what's going on in his head. If I could Mind-Read like that; I believe that I could help people MUCH better than I feel I do now. Unfortunately; personal problems such as money, school, family, ect. ARE common nowadays. It's now, and will be a part of life.
Are you still in contact/friends with this boy? If so: all you can do is offer your help and support for him. Let him know that you're here for him. May I make a suggestion for his family-problems though? You can suggest that he tells them that he'd like to spend more time with them during the week, and holidays. For example: Watch a video or play cards once a week, ect.
I don't promote teenage/young adult drinking, smoking, drugs, ect; and it's most likely illegal where you two live. Please don't take me rude with this following advice; yet I expecially don't at the ages of 18 and below. I recommend that you suggest him to take an Alcohol course to stop this habit. Also; for yourself if you feel the need. I'm sorry again; but being 18 myself, I'm looking out for the well-being of you two..
For the most part; because you said he cooks you dinner, massages, ect. he sounds like a good guy for you to have, with a couple fact exclusions.
I'm going to say that you should give yourselves a little break for a few days ( a week or so )then try talking to him. If he has e.mail; you can e.mail him asking how he's doing, let him know that you're there for him. After break; things may get better. You can then ask him why exactly he broke up with you.
Take this slowly; and move step-by-step and things can improve. I hope this helps you.
Please Ask Follow-Up Questions as often as you like; and feel free to question me anytime, about anything in the future.. --Matt--
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