About Matt Expertise I can answer many questions in this area. I can help with asking someone out, getting over a breakup, and much more. If you are questioning yourself as to whether or not what you're doing is right or not, please feel free to ask me. I know much about teenage dating, considering I still go through many of the issues myself. I love helping other people, and there is no question that I will not attempt to answer.
Experience I am a teen myself for the most part, therefore I have much experience in this area. I have been on dates, good and bad. I have broken up with, and been broken up with several times.
Publications I have posted several poems on the website known as www.poetry.com
Education/Credentials I am currently a Jr. in High School. At the end of school, I hope to go into the field of Psychology to learn more about people and issues they face.
Awards and Honors I have some educational awards, as well as other ones as well. I always look forward to earning more awards.
Expert: Matt Date: 8/11/2007 Subject: I'm secretly in love with by x's best mate :(
Question QUESTION: Hey Matt.
I'm really confused on what to do at the moment. You see, i went out with
Adam for 9months - until things started going down hill, we both liked other
people and started fighting over silly things etc. But we decided to have a
break and then we both expected to end up back together...but the problem
is, one of his best friends, Mike, told me he liked me and i told him i liked
him. We have always had a really strong and flirty friendship, have the same
interests and are both easy going people etc. But we have started seeing each
other secretly and a few people know about us..although i cant find it in my
heart to tell Adam. He knows that me and Mike like each other, but not that
we secretly see each other. Adam's such a great guy and he loves me so
much. But it hit me! im 17! and my only bf has been 4 9months man, i want
to b free and have more experiences. I felt like i was married when i was with
adam :( but with mike theres just fun, and romance. Im stuck on whether to
tell adam that me and mike are going to start dating or leave it for a while
and then tell him?
Help please :(
ANSWER: Hello Stephanie.
I'm sorry to hear you're in a problem like this, yet it happens and in a way I know what you're going through right now.. I wass once in kind of the same problem.. It wasn't intended, yet it happend just the same..
I really can't tell you a direct answer to this question, this is mostly a test to see what YOU'LL do.. Whether it's wrong or right.. So I don't end up TELLING you what to do for certain, I'll tell you what I did once..
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I was once with a girl Carra and was friends with her best friend, Maranda..--> Carra and I broke up once, and by then Maranda and I were good friends.. Maranda and I got closer once Carra and I brokeup.. Maranda and I started secretly liking/seeing eachother (as you and Mike are/did..) Yet, to Maranda and I, it felt wrong that we were doing this behind Carra's back..
Soo.. One day when Maranda, Carra, and I were on the computer, we invited Carra to a chat we were having on MSN Messenger and together, told her that we liked and was secretly seeing eachother.. Carra didn't like it and was mad/sad,, but.. She got over it eventually..
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Although you don't HAVE to--> I suggest you tell Adam that you and Mike would like to date eachother for a while.. Tell Adam how you feel/felt when you were with him.. How you felt like he was too possessive/how you felt like you were married, etc..
I hope this helps, and I recommend 1-3 things..
#1- Forgetting about dating Adam AND Mike and getting a new boyfriend.
#2-Don't date, and just stay friends with them both for now..
#3-You or Mike, or BOTH of you get Adam together (just you 3) and tell him that you've started liking eachother and would like to date..
I hope this helps, and sorry if it don't..
--Matty--
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thanks for the 3 recommended options.. yea i think you're right about not
having to mkae a decision on the spot. I spoke to Adam today, he has some
big issues aye, he was suicidle. Dad said that he's going to go and talk to
Adam tomorrow because adam just doesnt tell anyone how he's feeling apart
from me, he will not leave me alone. All he wants is me.. he says "your the
only thing to keep me living" but im not! i think he's just a bit insecure, i feel
sorry for him. But i thought he would have left me alone by now, he just
wont. I get like 20 texts a day saying "steph txt me back" numurous calls too.
It's making me and Mike feel very bad about it, and everything we do is now
based around how Adam will feel... things just dont seem to be getting better
at all. Sometimes i feel im making a mistake by leaving him because he is so
crazy about me, and isn't that what any girl wants? a guy to love and cherish
everything about them? i just dont know anymore. I need the space to know
the difference between right and wrong, i want to know if i'll miss adam or
not - i havnt had a bloody chance because he wont leave me alone! who
knows what will happen in the future, just at the moment i need to do
whatever comes naturally. And me and Mike truely want to give it a go, i think
it would b fun bcoz we're such good friends. Im so stuck! I think i am going
to tell Adam me and Mike are going to start seeing each other soon.. i just
really dont have the heart though. I respect him so much and hate to see him
so depressed.
What on earth do i do now?
Answer Hello again Stephanie.
You're welcome for the 3 options, yet I'm sorry if they were all 3 useless/dumb. I agree with you.. I think that Adam seems to be insecure.. And you leaving him for Mike, don't help much.. **Don't take that the wrong way, please.** Let me quote you here..-->>Sometimes i feel im making a mistake by leaving him because he is so
crazy about me, ***and isn't that what any girl wants? a guy to love and cherish everything about them?***
This--> ***and isn't that what any girl wants? a guy to love and cherish everything about them?*** is only PART true I feel.. Not ALL girls like their boyfriend to be too obsessed, possessed, or controlling over them.. You seem to be one of them, otherwise, you wouldn't even be asking for my help with this.. Let me Quote you again:
***I need the space to know the difference between right and wrong***
By this quote, you KNOW what you want to do, but CAN'T, due to his obsession over you.. You know you need your space from him, be out of communication with him, and give you both a break.. Right now--> Let me tell you what/a few options that I think you may want to consider doing.
#1- Tell Adam/Mike you want a few days TO YOURSELF to think and get things straightened out before anything happens with ANY of you, or any thoughts any of you want, happen yet.
#2- Tell them you want a few *3-5 days* alone to think, and spend some time with a close friend.. Ask your friend what they think you should do.. Maybe even ask your parents what you should do right now..
Okay now; if you have plan on Asking A Follow-Up Question to this one, if you put it as "Private" and you/Mike/or Adam have MSN or Yahoo Messenger, I'll be glad to talk to any or all of you on them if I get a chance..
