AboutDeborah Expertise I can answer questions about pregnancy symptoms, contraception, abortion, adoption,and
teen parenthood. Specifically, I can give up to date, accurate medical information, latest
studies as well as statistics pertaining to health issues surrounding pregnancy, and factors
to be considered before deciding to become a teen parent.
Experience I have answered over 3000 questions in this area on other health sites, most in the area of teen pregnancy.
Education/Credentials I have a bachelor's Degree in Biology, and am halfway through a Master's Degree, also in Biology. I have access to and read many of the top medical journals, from which I also get the best, most thorough and accurate to answers to pressing medical and health related questions.
Past/Present Clients ehealth over 3000 posts
pro-choice talk over 6000 posts
Expert: Deborah Date: 8/10/2008 Subject: last resort
Question QUESTION: i have been sexually active for over three months, im on birth control but i really dont take it the right way and constantly. we stopped using condoms about a month ago for pleasure increase. we use the pull out method and have been pretty successful with it. i really dont keep track of my periods but lately i urinate all the time, eat more and sleep more. my breasts have also become very sensitive. anyways, i have alot of family issues and the last three generations of women in my family have gotten pregnant and married around 15. im going to be 15 in January. i need some larger source of love in my life and a way to get my family to stop emotionally abusing me, getting pregnant seems like a way out of it, i want a baby. i really do and i know its stupid of me but i know i could do it and still go to collage and be successful. i know im young but i always wanted to be a young mother. could i be pregnant now? if im not, is it wrong of me to want this so bad? what do i do? write back asap please.
ANSWER: Dear Valerie,
So, the women in your family have been teenage mothers, but your family emotionally abuses you? Why would you want to follow in their footsteps?
What kind of job could you get that will pay enough for rent, food, insurance, clothes, etc., etc? How will you pay for daycare while you finish high school and college?
write back,
Deb
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: well my mother is bipolor and has drug and alcohol issues so she was an unfit mother from the beginning. but my grandmother still finished high school and went to college, my mom even went to college and became a nurse. my boyfriends family already offered their basement until im 18 and i get 700 from the government so i could raise the baby with that.
ANSWER: Dear Valerie,
I'm sorry about your mom. My mom has schizophrenia, so my dad got custody of me when I was 10. It stinks not having a real mother's love. I'm not saying our mothers don't love us, but you know what I mean, right? They aren't able to express it.
Who will care for the newborn while you are at school? What bills will you have to pay when you are living in the basement? Is it a finished basement? Is there a bathroom? Furniture?
Here's another problem, what you are seeking to get from a baby isn't there. The number one reason teens get pregnant on purpose is the same reason you have:
"i need some larger source of love in my life". A baby will not fill this need. A baby is a screaming bundle of neediness, constantly needing to be fed, have diapers changed, held, rocked, etc., etc. It is so overwhelmingly difficult to be a parent, you just cannot imagine. By the time they are walking, they are walking away from you. By 3 they are off to preschool, and it goes on from there.
I also don't see how it will help the additional problem:
"and a way to get my family to stop emotionally abusing me, getting pregnant seems like a way out of it,"
A baby would seem to me to be a target for emotionally abusing you. How do you think it will help? Who is doing this abuse, and what are some examples of it?
Is your boyfriend prepared to be taken to court and forced to pay child support for the next 18 to 21 years? How do his parents feel about you getting pregnant on purpose?
Write back,
Deb
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: well i can do a program called ecot which is just high school on the computer..so i can watch the child during the day. my boyfriend has a half day of school because it is his senior year, therefore he can work while im at home doing school and caring for my child. my family understands the emotional stress from a child and would most likely lay off and eventually offer their hand. my mother abused my physically until i was 10 then i moved to my dads. still, im called a fat whore and other mean names along with things like "im on the wrong path and im never gonna get anywhere". my boyfriend wants to stay with me for the journey and his family are completely accepting of the situation. i may already be pregnant so im going to family planning on monday. im so confused.
-valerie
Answer Dear Valerie,
That's mean that they say so things to you. As for this one:
"im on the wrong path and im never gonna get anywhere"., what do you think they will say when they find out you got pregnant on purpose at 14 years of age? Is that something anyone would consider "the right path"?
Here is the right path:
1. Finish high school.
2. Go to college or to a school where you can learn a trade, such as
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3. Get an awesome, fun job.
4. Meet Mr. Right.
5. Get married.
6. AND THEN HAVE A CHILD.
