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Teen Pregnancy/How can I tell my mother?

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Question
My girlfriend's 4 months pregnant and I have no idea how to tell my mom. I've wanted this long because of that reason I'm twenty years old and have always been her do right son who's never given her trouble. I live kind of far because of college but I'm going to visit her soon. I'm currently throwing around the option of sending her a textpicture of the ultrasound and let her jump to the conclusion. OR meeting her up at a local restaurant with my girlfriend and letting her see the baby bump herself. What would be the best way to tell her?

Answer
J,

Yikes. First off, drop every idea you have about surprising her. Surprise is not your friend. Moms hate surprises - especially the kind that are going to make her worry. If your girlfriend is already showing, it is probably best to tell your mom by yourself and in person if possible. I'm not going to lie, this is going to be really, really difficult, but there are ways to make it go as smoothly as possible.

You say that you're the kid that never gave her any trouble and since you're in college, it's clear that you care about your future - make sure she knows you're still that guy. You do this by proving your maturity, your responsibility and by showing her what a good man she raised.

It sounds like you're planning on keeping the baby, so you might want to start the conversation by saying something like "I waited to come to you until we thought through our options and formed a plan" and then lay out that plan for her. She's going to have questions about education and money and your guys' future. Try your best to anticipate those questions and have answers ready for them.  Think of all the qualities good dads have and show her that you possess those.

If she yells - and she might - let her be mad. It's your job to stay controlled and respectful (be the adult) and say that you understand that she's worried, and maybe even disappointed. If she can't be calm enough to have a conversation, tell her very gently that you will talk to her when she's able, and walk away. Above all, don't be reactionary or defensive and even if she's pissed, tell your mom you love her.

Remember: no surprises! No one likes an ambush.

Good luck. I hope it goes well,

Julia

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Julia Fout

Expertise

I can answer questions pertaining to pregnancy symptoms, likelihood of being pregnant, pregnancy prevention, your options once you discover you are pregnant, how to talk to parents, how to talk to partners, prenatal concerns, and emergency contraception.

Experience

I have a degree in Psychology and am working towards my Masters of Public Health. Both of these fields require an understanding of adolescent development, health behavior and health education. I am invested deeply in ensuring that teens have access to practical, fact-based information. To provide this I stay current by reviewing peer-reviewed literature, health trends and statistics, and the work of activists in the field of pregnancy, sex education, mental health and general well being.

Education/Credentials
BA in Psychology/minor in Education
MPH Candidate 2014

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