Expert: Sierra Glinatsis - 9/27/2007

Question
QUESTION: I'm 16 and I'm on Birth Control.
Me and my boyfriend thought I was pregnant about two months ago. But than we found out I was just really late.
But after all that thinking that I was; we've decided to try having a baby.
I know I'm young.
But I've thought EVERYTHING through.
And I really think I'm ready and that I can handle everything of having a baby.

And for the past month and a half, I've been skipping days on my pills and taking them at the wrong times.
And we've been trying to have a baby.
But every time we try and have a baby about two or three days in a row, and I've skipped my pills; I think that I'm pregnant. (because I start feeling sick and stuff and think I could be having symptoms of being pregnant.) But then the next day I end up starting my period.

And it's VERY disappointing.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong..!

I don't smoke or drink.
I've been eating healthy foods.
And I still can't figure out what is so wrong.

Could you PLEASE help me..? =[
I can't handle all this disappointment...
I'm so close to giving up, but.. I really don't want to give up.
I want this baby.

Please help me.
Thanks.

-Karissa
p.s.
I hope I didn't write too much and I hope it made sense. =]

ANSWER: Karissa,
Are you really SURE you have thought EVERY THING through?  Before I answer this question completely, I need to you to write me a list of things that you thought would be involved in raising a child at this age, how it is going to impact your future, how long you and your boyfriend have been together, and what your game plan is...Looking forward to hearing back from you...
~Sierra

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well I've thought about all the pain I'll have to go through, and I'm getting a job, and me and my boyfriend are going to save up money to support the baby, and no matter what, I'm going to stay in school and pass high school.
And I know for a fact that if I had a baby, my mom would be there to support me.
And I have a bunch of friends and family that will be there for me too. =]
And I don't really go out much with friends, so that doesn't bother me.
And me and my boyfriend have been together for half a year.
But I KNOW he loves me.
And I love him more than anything. =]
And to me, having a baby would mean I wouldn't ever be alone, and I'd have something that was ONLY me and my boyfriends and no one else's, and no one could take that away from us. =]
And also, having a baby would mean that me and my boyfriend would be together forever. =]

And I'm very responsible, so I'd be able to take care of the baby.
And I used to watch a bunch of babies, so I have experience with that also.
Hmm..
I'm sure theres more things I've thought about but I can't quite remember most of the things.
But I know I'm ready.

I'm also very shy, so I think that if I have a baby, then I'd be able to open up more. =] And just.. be myself.

Did I miss anything? =]

So..
Do you think your able to answer my question now..?
Thanks<3
-Karissa

Answer
Karissa,
First I want you to hear me out, I know that you really want to have baby right now, but you are going to be burdening yourself with a responsibility that you just think you might be ready for.  Did you know it takes about 30,000 to 40,000 dollars a year to take care of a child.  This includes health insurance, supplies for your baby, food, diapers, formula, clothes, blankets, strollers, cribs, toys, play pens, medicine if your child gets sick, hospital fees to deliver your child and bring it into the world, vaccinations and immunizations, shampoos, lotions, diaper wipes, solid and canned baby food...the list goes on and on...Did you also know that being as young as you are, you aren't even fully developed yet... you still have a bit of growing to do, so getting pregnant now may change how your body may finish growing... babies are cute, but they are also messy too, and hard to take care of on a 24 hour basis... When you also said that one of your reasons for having your baby would guarantee that you and your boyfriend would be together forever, this is not necessarily true.  Only one five couples that get married and have a baby in their teens will stay together... I know you love your boyfriend now, but you do A LOT of changing between the time you are sixteen and 18, and even 18 and 21... I know, I just went through this a couple of years ago...I'm 19 now, and a whole lot different and more mature then I was when I was eighteen. I am not still dating the same guy I was when I was sixteen either, but I am married to a guy I met in my senior year of high school.  I have gone through the desire to have a baby at your age... for a bit there was really nothing I wanted more because I saw my niece come into this world, and was in a way jealous that my sister in law got to have a child, and I had to wait so long for one... I couldn't explain the urge to have a child, but I snapped out of it, and now am in school and on my way to be a nurse.  I am happy that I didn't choose to get pregnant at 16 or 17.  Another thing that snapped me out of it was the fact that I was given up for adoption as a baby because my mom had me at fifteen and couldn't take care of me.  I met her last year, and she said when she had to give me up it was one of the most painful things she ever had to do...and she said if she could go back, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant that young with me... it changed her future a TON.  I'm not saying that you couldn't do it if you had to, but since you don't have to now, then wait...You need to see what it is you want to do with the rest of your life, and you don't want your options to be narrowed or harder to get because you made a flash decision to have a baby at sixteen.  I reallllly hope that you take into consideration all I've said...you can still become an open person without having a child... and your boyfriend might say he is ready now to have a child, but in reality he is probably just saying that to make you happy... I was in a relationship with a guy that told me that once, and when I had a pregnancy scare, he was outta there faster then I could blink.  Think about what I've said and sleep on it...  
IF... I can't seem to dissuade you from having a child at this point in your life and you guys wanted to have a child, then you should stop taking your birth control pills altogether, just skipping days on taking them isn't going to be enough, and messing around with your birth control like that also messes a lot with your body's hormonal levels, because it goes from "thinking you are pregnant" to not... birth control stops you from ovulating, and if you are taking it and then not taking it, it can make you really irregular with your cycles.  So, either really think about maybe waiting to have baby,and continue taking your pill regularly, or don't take it at all.  Feel free to contact me again if you have any other questions...I hope you take some time again to think this all over...
~Sierra
PS Once you become a mother, you can't undo it...