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About Daryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology
Expertise
As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience
I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
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You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teenage Problems > My Parents
Expert: Daryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology
Date: 10/3/2008
Subject: My Parents
Question
I'm 20 years old, and my parents still treat me like a 12 yr old kid. Other friends of mine and I feel the same way about that. I grew up in a troubled home (still am in it),someone is always fighting, mainly my parents pick on me. I'm alone in my room with my dog that I train for the seeing eye with my curtains closed since I don't have any doors to my room. I usually am talking to my Boyfriend on my laptop, since he lives in a different country. My parents are very hot headed and they won't understand what love is to me. In my mom's case, she wants me to marry a rich guy. To my opinion that is the one of the most worst reasons to love someone, that isn't true love there. I knew Matthew for 2 years, he is the love of my life. We share the same interests, we can talk on the mic for hours without getting bored. My parents don't want me or any of her children dating someone over the internet. While many people do it, and no one ever says anything, And people just feel happy that they are happy, because they found the love of their life. My mom is totally against Computers, and my dad is usually on the computer himself. What makes I different from him? My mom nags about me being on, while he is a married man with kids and he's on at his age. I'd say he's on about half or so of what I'm on for. There is constant fighting going on at my house, about how wrong I am using the computer all day. I'm on because I have nothing other then work. Because most of my friends where I live have moved, relationships got in our friendship, collage, etc. So basically I'm left with 1 friend I know where I live, And lately she's been hanging out with the wrong crowd of people. She started to smoke, and she doesn't really talk much to me. As for me when I'm home I'm usually on the computer or playing a video game from a game consul, I sometimes watch movies, and I sometimes go out to the mall. I really don't want to waste gas since the gas prices are high now. Matthew has told me, my life isn't normal, my parents aren't treating me normal either, he hears them all day. They only talk to me when they want to yell at me or I am told to do something. And yes that is true. My mom used to talk to me about other things when I used to go to high school. When I was still in high school and stuff, my teachers would sometimes see me upset and ask, I always told them it was my parents. They agreed on what I had to say about them always. They have no idea why they are treating me so differently. I have 2 other siblings and I'm the middle child. I have an older brother who is 22 and a younger sister who is 12. My parents think my brother is the best in the house who can do whatever he wants. And he could come in the house at 3am and they don't say anything to him. And my younger sister, who they take to karate who is also perfect, just because she goes to Karate. Lately, my sister has been really annoying to me, I have no clue why. I don't know if my parents are telling her to be annoying or what. My sister is constantly running threw my room giving me no privacy at all, and she wakes me up whenever she feels like by screaming at me or pulling my pillow out from under my head. My parents don't ever talk to her, she can get away with whatever she wants. This morning my mom was talking very loud to herself about me. Saying how she wants a lighting bolt to hit me over the head to wake me up. Basically she meant, she wants me to grow up. I don't get why she can't understand what a hobby is. My definition of Hobby is something someone enjoys doing. I'm pretty sure Video games, painting, drawing and being happy are my hobbies in life. It's video games now since I don't have Matthew here to spend time with. My parents they are constantly saying I'm their problem child when it is certainly not, because when I'm home I keep to myself. I can't tell my parents about many things like; I'm dating someone from online, I left my job, I got into a small car accident, My boyfriend (meaning my ex boyfriend) doesn't really pay attention to me that's why I left him, and others. Everything which I think is the right thing to do, they think is the wrong thing to do. If I'm making a mistake I can't learn from them, because my parents think everything is wrong, so deep down I have to know I have made a mistake by myself without knowing if I truly have. I've been to family counseling before, which I really didn't need it, but my parents and brother, and maybe my sister needs it. In my daily life I usually do whatever my parents ask me to do. My parents recently put a timer to 12pm on my computer for the internet to go off. When I do have a bit of a sleeping disorder. I can't usually sleep until about 2-3am. I hope you can answer everything I have down, I do need as much help as soon as possible. Thank you for your time reading this.
-Lisa-
Answer
Hey there Lisa,
I am sorry that your family seems to be putting under a lot of pressure on you and that you seem to be in a position where there is nothing you can do to please them. If your parents want you to grow up then they have to start treating you like an adult and that means they have to start respecting you, which at the moment they are not. It also means that as an adult you should have some privacy, to which you are entitled but again, your parents won't give you this. It seems to me that for some reason you have become the scape goat (the one blamed for everything) even when you are doing nothing wrong at all. I think your life at the minute is not so much a life but an existance and I think that if things do not change, one of two things will happen: you will implode and become an emotional wreck with major emotional issues in the future or you will end up exploding and lashing out at your family...neither will be good for your health or your sanity and you need to get this sorted as quickly as possible to protect yourself.
It seems to me that one of the most logical and sensible things to do would be for you to move out and move out quickly. If you have money saved up from work then it becomes easy but if you don't, then you are going to have to find the funds to help you get out of there. It does not have to be majorly expensive if you know what you are doing and this could include sharing accomodation with someone else to reduce costs, moving into a hostel or getting help from the government in terms of state benefits and advice. Because of your situation I would strongly recommend that you do seek advice and guidance from the government before you do move out so that you know what you are entitled to. The first place to begin is to look in your local telephone directory and for the Welfare services and then give them a call to arrange a meeting about what they can do for you. They will be able to make sure that if you do decide to leave home that you are going to be ready and safe. If you don't want to involve the welfare services then you may need to take on extra work to pay for the deposit for a new place. IF you don't want to do that, there is little else that you can do other than stay there and watch yourself get bullied.
I don't think your parents will ever change and I think, in your situation, there is little that you can do or say to them that will change the way in which they treat you, so leaving sounds like the only way to get everything you need, your freedom, your privacy, your own life, but its a big thing and it won't come easy...but can it be any harder than staying where you are now and going through what you are going through now? Probably not.
Stop living an existance and start building your life, only you can make yourself happy but you have to put things into place now to get your future happiness sorted, so Good Luck!
I hope that helps.
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