AboutLouise Expertise I can answer a variety of questions. I am not a fortune teller so I can not of course predict the future. I can however make an educated guess based on information received and from past experiences.
Experience I've been married for 18 years and I have three teenagers. One daughter and 2 sons. We've dealt with a variety of issues universal to most teens.
Education/Credentials Life that is an experience the ride is not always smooth but if you fall down you get back up and dust yourself off and do it all over again.
Question Hi, I am the mother of a 18 yr old son that thinks he knows it all.Imagin that! His senior year, class of 2008, he met this girl who I really liked at first it has been over a 14 mos now and I can not handle what she has done to my son. He isn't the child I raised!He is going to be 19 in a few days and she just turned 16 in March.Since graduation he came into a lot of money that I made him put away for later in life, he keeps going through it like water and I am trying to put my foot down, but she keeps telling him it is his money so why should I have any say. He is going to college but drives home EVERY night to say with the girlfriend at her mom's home.(60 miles each way and he has a dorm room)He doesn't come home or talk to me anymore unless he needs money.He was sick a few weeks ago and instead of coming home he stayed at her house with her mom!!She expects him to take her shopping every weekend. She even tried to get him to buy her a $4000.00 engagement ring!!I wouldn't stand for that one!!He doesn't have any friends anymore because of her.And he has pushed away his family!! I feel like I am going into depression because no matter what I do or say it isn't good enough for him anymore!! I have lost my son! The girlfriend is mean to his siblings age 17,13,and 8. The 8 yr old cries cause she misses her brother!!
any ideas would be great!!
Answer Hello Teresa,
I'm sorry you are going through a rough time with your son at the moment....
However, at 18 he pretty much can do whatever he wants....Naturally there are consequences to a lot of things he may do but he is at an age where he doesn't need your consent anymore.....If you are supporting him than you do have a say in the situation....However, if he came into money and he is supporting himself than unfortunately you have no say.....As for how he spends his money unless there were stipulations given when he received the money.....That too may be out of your hands........
I know as a parent how upsetting/disappointing it is when a child we raised from birth becomes someone that we don't even know anymore.....You have to understand though that this is part of a process he needs to do in order to grow up,sometimes that means living a life that you may not agree to or may not have chosen for him.....Sometimes you just have to have faith that in the end he will eventually become the type of person you can be proud of....It may take awhile and he may never be what you envisioned him being as you watched him growing up and thought of him in the future......However, sometimes you have to let go of your dreams......You need to learn to accept him as he is or he may choose to severe his ties to you....
I know it is heartbreaking and in a way it appears to be emotional blackmail.....However, your son is seeing things through his eyes not yours...He does not have the maturity that you do....But you can't change him there is nothing you can do or say to change him....
All you can do is let go........in doing so you transfer responsibility for decisions concerning his live from you to him. If you successfully complete this transition, you will accept your son as as independent individual just as he is.... including imperfections and conflicting values.....and he will accept you in return. Continue to communicate openly and share your values and experiences with him, without believing you have the right, or the power, to change him........You guided him for 18 years so now it's time to let him be at the helm.....
