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You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teenage Problems > my dad
Expert: Donna K
Date: 10/3/2008
Subject: my dad
Question
My name is Emily and I just turned 18 years old. For months now my parents have been fighting and they want to get a divorce. They fight about me alot, I am their only child and for some reason my name always gets into the middle of their arguments. Recently my dad has started hitting my mom, slapping her when I am right there and pushing her. I am afraid that it's my fault my mom is getting hurt because she is the one who sticks up for me when my dad talks bad about me and then their fights start and he hits her. It's all my fault and I don't want to keep seeing my mom hurt anymore. Sometimes I feel like killing myself or running away, that way I will not disappoint my dad anymore and make him hit my mom. This has been going on for months and just this past month, he has started to hit me too. He shoves me or slaps me across the face when I haven't even done anything wrong. So I guess my questions are is it my fault this is happening, and what can I do? I also have another issue I want to discuss, but I will wait until after this question.
Answer
Dear Emily,
Thank You for taking the time to write to me. I am so sorry that I was not able to get to your question a little sooner. please understand that I recieve many questions within a day and try my best to answer them in a timely fashion.
Your situation really saddens me. it is such a shame when a couple uses their children as weapons in a dispute. that to me is just wrong and I am really sorry that you have to go through this. it is NOT your fault that your parents are fighting or getting a divorce. sometimes after awhile a couple just grows apart. but even so, that has nothing to do with you. it is all them. I believe that your father is taking his aggressions out on you. it is not uncommon for men to raise their testosterone levels and act out the way that he has been doing with you.
Being hit by him is something that you should not have to put up with. when I read that part in your question it just upset me so much. you don't deserve that. and neither does your mother. you can always press charges especially now that you are 18. another thing, you are not a disapointment. don't ever think of yourself that way EVER again. though I have no idea what you look like, I am quite certain that you are a very beautiful and smart girl. You are a gift to both of them. the minute you were brought into this world you were a gift from above, not a disappointment. all children are gifts and should be cherished just as you should cherish your parents. (father excluded from that)if I were you I would just move out and start living your own life. your 18 now, it's time to start living like a happy single person instead of under a cloud of abuse and depression. please feel free to write to me anytime with whatever questions you may have. I am an open minded person and will do my best to help you with whatever things you may be going through.
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