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About Daryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology
Expertise
As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience
I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
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You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teenage Problems > me.
Expert: Daryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology
Date: 10/12/2008
Subject: me.
Question
greetings mr taylor. my name is mr teal. i am 15 years of age and i live in great britain. no i am not going to tell you the exact whereabouts of where i live since i like to keep things strictly confidential. ok. problem number 1. i have really poor self esteem. and because of that i have depression. paronoia. and serious trust issues. becuase of my low self esteem. i have no friends. and i also have problems with communicating with people my own age. someone said i might have aspergers syndrome. but i seriously doubt that. i think its all down to the low self esteem.
problem number 2. girlfriends. yes i am single. i have never dated anyone of the opposite sex before. neither have i dated anyone of the same sex. but i would really like a girl in my life. as i am feeling really lonely. im to scared to get close to a girl though...... infact iv never actually talked to a girl of my own age.. which obviously alot of people find weird. i don't blame people for thinking that ethier. can you help me with the 'girlfriend issue'
problem number 3. it is approaching the time where i am able to take my test to aquire my drivers license. but i have had many confrontation before with my parents about the type of car i am going to buy. my parents want me to buy a small economical car. thing is. i hate european and japanese cars. and i seriously hate small cars. i keep telling my parents i ethier want a 1985 pontiac trans am. or a 1978 cadillac eldorado. but they keep saying no. they keep telling me there gonna give me such a disgusting small ford fiesta. can you please help me with how i deal with that situation.
good day mr taylor.
yours sincerely
colin.
Answer
Hello there Colin,
Firstly, thank you for telling me that you are from Great Britain. I do not need to know exactly where you are anyway, but it helps to know what country you are from so that I can provide you with the right information and give you practical advice. I myself are from Great Britain but I do recieve a lot of problems from America nad around the World where issues are incredibly different, hence why I ask for your general location.
Secondly, I do not think that you has aspergers syndrome because I suspect that if you did have it, it would have been diagnosed already. Aspergers Syndrome is a form of autism which means that our normal day psychological functions are interupted; including the way in which we form relationships. Those with autism struggle to interact with people because they cannot form ideas of emotions and how their actions affect others. If you can tell when someone is happy and you can feel happy, sad, and upset, then you do not have aspergers syndrome. Just in case you want to read up on more information, there is a link below about this:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/autism2.shtml
A lot of young people, especially those who are of above intelligence or maturity find it difficult to talk to their peers. So if you are finding it difficult to talk to people your own age, it could just be because you are more mature or more intelligent than them and consequently, you do not have anything in common with them. If you do not think that this is the issue, but just that you have no friends full stop, then you may have to begin to make an effort to meet your peers half way and find things for you to talk to them about. For example, look around your classroom and listen to what people are talking about...are they talking about anything that you like? If the answer is no, don't panic. If they are, are you joining in on the conversation? If not, why not? You can talk to anyone in your class about anything to do with school, homework or anything else that you share in common...I'm not saying immediately you will become friends, but friends come from familiarity and from the little things you say. Making conversation by simply saying 'hello' to someone, or joining someone on a table instead of sitting by yourself, shows people that you do want to make friends and that you do want people to talk to you. If you don't make the effort, people won't make the effort with you because they think you are happier being left on your own.
I think that you are overthinking and worrying too much about your social situation and this will of course affect your mood; making you depressed and paranoid which won't help you when it comes to making friends. Add to this the fact that you're still developing into a young adult, any sense of confusion or worry becomes heightened and a bigger issue that it actually is. It could just be that you have a lot on your place and that you do need to talk to someone and if that is the case, I would recommend Connexions Direct (who I used to work for and are really good).
www.connexions-direct.com
They can help you talk through your options in terms of your friends, either on the phone, through e-mail, text or even with an online webchat. They can also help you with information on anything from mental health to employment issues, so they are good to keep saved somewhere.
In terms of your girlfriend, you may be surprised to hear that you are not one of the only people who struggles to talk to girls; in fact, a lot of young lads that write to me do. There is this fear of rejection or worry that the girl will think they are weird, so rather than try and talk to a girl, young guys tend to shy away from it and just talk to each other.
The thing to remember with girls is at the end of the day and as stupid as it sounds, they are just normal people and you can talk to them as if you would talk to anyone. If you want a girlfriend then you are going to have to bite the bullet and make those first difficult steps of actually talking to a girl. This is the hardest step, but again, like making friends, you start small simply by saying 'hello' or smiling at someone. If you say 'hello' what's the worst that anyone can do...ignore you? If they do, so what, there's loads more people to talk to. You shouldn't be afraid to make the first contact with someone because if you don't, that girl you like may never notice you're there.
Once you start saying hello and talking to people, girls especially, you should find you begin to build up more and more confidence, but you should also notice that they make conversation with you without you needing to say anything and hence conversation moves along easier. It is about being relaxed, calm and being yourself and as I said, making that first, difficult step. As long as you smile politely, say 'hello' and be respectful, you should find things get easier. Start talking to people in your class, even if you only say 'hello' to one person or one girl...then the next day, say 'hello, how are you?' and learn to move the conversation on. Also, as I mentioned before, sit on a table where people are talking and join in...even if you have nothing to say, look like you are listening. If you do want an excuse to talk to someone, ask them to pass you something or help you with something...remember, you have nothing to lose. In terms of getting a girlfriend, this will come out of these little conversations you have but relationships come from familiarity and if you find a girl you like, try and see her everyday and at least say something to her everyday just so she knows you exist. Then as time progresses, you'll find out more about her and whether or not she is single and if she is the one for you. Then look her up on MySpace and drop her a message just saying 'I'm new to MySpace and I've just found you, I see you like....so do I' etc and see what happens.
In terms of with your car, if your parents are going to be paying for your car, then I don't really think you can argue with their choice unless you are willing to put some money down for it. A bigger car, especially now, will cost you more money to fill up and end up costing you (or your parents) more money per journey so you have less free money to spend on pleasent things. Even if you do end up with a Ford Fiesta, so what? At least you'll have a car and then you can buy a bigger one later on when the money is right. This is something you will have to discuss with your parents, but as I say, if they are buying it for you, I wouldn't argue too much or they may just turn around and not buy you one at all.
I hope that information helps you.
Good Luck.
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