AboutDaryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology Expertise As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
Question When I was a little bit younger my older brother sexually molested me. Now my mother and I argue all the time and i wish I could tell her but I've been into so much trouble I don't know if she'll believe me. Should I tell her and how?
Answer Hey there Emma-Lee,
Firstly, thank you for coming forward to get advice about this; I know it's not easy to think about, but it's even harder to talk about...but now, you have taken the biggest and hardest step by coming forward, so well done and thank you.
Secondly, what has happened to you was not your fault and not something you asked for or deserved and it is important that you remember that throughout all of this whole experience. You shouldn't feel guilty, you shouldn't feel ashamed and you certainly should not feel like you have to keep this to yourself. When something like this happens to you it can lead to psychological scarring that needs to be addressed and if you have not had counselling or spoken to a doctor about this yet, it could be that your behaviour has something to do with what has happened.
I'm sorry that you and your mother are arguing, it cannot be helping you, but you know your mother (I don't), do you think she would believe you? If you don't, there are other people who you can tell that can investigate and take appropriate action. The Police, local organisations and charities, teachers, doctors...anyone, it does not have to just be your mother...just tell someone.
If you do tell your mum and she doesn't believe you then it is no reason for you to back down or for her to call you a liar, it is every reason for you to seek to prove what has happened. Let us not forget that what has happened appears to be against the law and if the Police do get involved (which they will), then your brother could be brought to justice.
This is about you and about you feeling comfortable and happy with the timing and the details about what has happened to you. If you think that you want to tell her now then tell her now, if you are worried about what she may think, write down the date it happened, the number of times, what you did, where you were, so that she is faced with facts and cannot call you a liar.
This isn't about the trouble you've been in the past, this is about what has happened to you; regardless of what you have done, you did not deserve this and it should not have happened. I cannot tell you what to do (and I won't) and I cannot promise you everything will be alright (because I can't) but what I would say to you is that if you think what happened to you was wrong and you did not want it to happen, then you should consider telling someone...as I mentioned, it doesn't have to be your mum, it can be anyone. I will warn you however, if you do tell a teacher, a doctor etc...they have a duty of care, by law, to report what you tell them for investigation by the Police so be prepared. There are people out there to help you who won't judge you or make you look a liar, but you have to take the step of contacting them to get the help you need.
