AboutDaryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology Expertise As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
Question Hi Daryl,
im 16 and recently I have been going to parties where there is drink involved. I do drink but I don't go OTT and end up wasted. lately though, some "friends" of mine have been starting rumours about me making me out to be gay. the rumours are on the lines of getting off with guys to having sex with guys BUT there not true
its really depressing to be met with this every time i go to school
what should I do?
Answer Hello there Gaz,
Sorry to hear that these 'friends' of yours are making your life at school incredibly difficult: it's not fair on you and they have no right to be able to make you feel the way they are.
It is not nice when people that are supposed to be our friends suddenly decide to outcast us and make us the subject of viscious and nasty rumours that are not true. No-body likes being talked about negatively, but more so, when there is no complete truth in the rumour at all. Perhaps these guys have decided to use you as the subject of their gossip simply because you don't get drunk and are respectful; whereas they are jerks and completely the opposite. It is a common theory amongst young people that if you are not completely like all of your other friends then there must be something wrong with you; but that is completely not true, you are just being an individual and you are getting mocked for it.
These guys are using your sexuality as a weapon because they probably know how angry it will make you because it is a sensative issue for any young guy. By telling people you are gay and have been doing gay things, they are trying to provoke you into biting and getting a reaction. But whatever way you act in response to this, they are unlikely to stop these rumours. If they are doing this to you, they are probably doing it to others and they should not be allowed to get away with it...but it is up to you how you deal with it.
You can do the most difficult thing and ignore them. Go to school, keep your head down and focus on your studies and grades. You know you are not gay (or you may be, but it's no-one's business) and you have nothing to prove to anyone. If everyone has nothing better to do than talk about you, let them talk: on the flipside, at least people will know who you are. It is difficult however, to go into school and just ignore what people are saying; but it is also difficult to try and explain to every person that calls you 'gay' that you're not. At school, rumours spread like wild fire, even when there is little truth in them and it is difficult to stop one once it has been started.
One thing you can do is to stop going to parties with these guys: that way, you are not there for them to ridicule you or spread rumours about the next day. Or, if you do go, take a girl with you (if you know any) and just have a good time with her. You do not have to prove you are straight, but at least if you are with a girl all night, anyone else there will know these guys are talking trash.
Also, you may want to just come out and ask these guys what you have done to deserve such bad treatment and if they don't stop it, threaten to start spreading rumours about them...this is not ideal because it puts you on their level, but if the threat of doing this doesn't stop them or calm them down; then you want to get someone else to intervene.
Because this is an issue at school and is affecting your schooling, it is important that the school is aware of any problems you are having: this way, if there are any drops in your grades or any fights occur, they are aware of a problem and can defend you. This means that you may have to talk to the principal or someone else at the school and just make them aware of what is happening. They do not need to know all the details just that these guys are spreading rumours. The guys may be spoken to by whooever you tell and may not like it, but they should back down and if they don't, they can stand to be in big trouble.
You may also want to tell your parents to see if there is anything that they can do. Even if they don't know that you were at a party, you weren't drinking excessively so technically, you have done nothing wrong. In the event that something at school did happen, your parents would be called anyway, so it may be better you tell them what is happening that let the school do it.
Gaz, I know that you annoyed, upset and worried and I would love to tell you that there is some way of making this all go away, but there is no magic cure to getting this sorted; all you can do is try. Keeping quiet about it is the worse thing you can do because 'friends' or not, these people are making you feel down and it's starting to really affect what should be the happiest times in your life.
You are not alone in being bullied, which is what this is, and you are not alone in the way that you feel; so do not feel like you are going to be on your own if you make the first step of telling someone.
