AboutDan Expertise I was once an expert on Askme.com, yet because askme is going out, I feel I can help people here. I am an expert in many areas of life, so why not try to be an expert here. State your ages with questions. I do not give medical advice online
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Expert: Dan Date: 3/4/2008 Subject: Hey--> Me again.
Question QUESTION: Hi there, how are you?
I haven't spoken to you for a few days now. I thought that I'd let you know that the problem I was having before is all taken care for the most part. *The problem that I was having with Elizabeth*..
Results: My mom still found out what we did without her or I telling her. *Elizabeth's mom told mine--> and said that she was going to tell Elizabeth and I that she was going to have us stop talking too..*,
Her mom also decided that she didn't want her or I being together anymore, or even talking anymore for that matter. One night I was on the phone with Elizabeth and her mom said that she wanted to talk to her. For some reason; we both knew what was coming.. She told Elizabeth that she didn't want us talking anymore because this distance-relationship **is too hard on us.**
The next couple days I wasn't myself.. I wouldn't talk, I didn't eat for 3 days, I didn't even come out of my room.. I came out of my room and into the kitchen and mom eventually asked what was wrong. I said nothing. She asked if Elizabeth and I were in a fight, I said no, she then asked if I was mad at her, and I said no. She asked if we broke-up, and I said kinda..
I told her what her mother said about it being *too hard on us*, and my mom eventually told me that her mom called her a couple days before--> saying what we did and that she was going to have us break-up.. She told me why, and what the REAL-REASON was she had us break-up *she lied to Elizabeth and I, therefore, I found out the truth from my mom.*
Well; because Elizabeth and I weren't allowed to talk, and her mom took her cell phone to make sure we didn't, we still snuck phone calls. Her mom even tried playing a mind-game with me by texting me on Elizabeth's cell phone, acting like Elizabeth. As much as I would like to have; for better reasons, I decided not to play any games with her as well, seeing as to how I was in a bad-position to do so..
Anyways; the break-up that Elizabeth and I had was having a real bad affect on her. She wasn't eating, talking, being herself, coming out of her room, she was getting sick at school, and she was sleeping and crying all-day except for the 5-10 minutes she snuck phone-calls to me from her friend's phone. Her mom all of a sudden changed her mind, and decided that Elizabeth and I can talk again, and she would even find a way for her and I be together again. She even let Elizabeth call me, right in front of her too.
The exact next day after she said that; she changed her mind again and said we couldn't talk anymore, again.. Her mom is just.. None of us even know. She even started threatening to send Elizabeth to live with her dad, and he said he wanted nothing to do with her.. She then started threatening to send her to a boot-camp. Anyways; this is all just stupid..
Elizabeth and I still talk and are pretty much dating still, but just secretly. I "DO" love her, and I am now 100% fully convinced that I do. If we *I* didn't really love eachother *her*; we *I* wouldn't both be suffering, and sneaking like this.. We would have just listened to her mom, and let that be the end of us, and moving on.
Well; we were going fairly-decent, and I was even getting along quite well like this.. Now recently; I feel worse.. Mom has been gone for one of two weeks; to help care for some elderly lady, and I'm here with grandma right after school.. I have to come right after-school and stay here all-day to take care of her.
Anyways, I've been really sad and depressed lately.. I can't focus on anything at all, can't be happy for even one-second, have barely been eating, not talking to anyone at all, not caring about school or homework at all, always breaking-down, getting sick while I'm at school, staying up all-night *it's now 3:05a.m. Tuesday night/ Wednesday morning*, wanting to be dead, etc..
I've tried doing everything I can to feel better. Talk to Elizabeth, watching my favorite movies, listening to music all the time, reading, spending money on anything I want&can, writing poems, I hung out with a close-friend once, and I've even tried talking to one of my teachers at school, but NOTHING helps..
I just don't know what to do.. I'm a wreck and I barely care for ANYTHING. I just don't know what to do.. When I'm in the car going to school and back home I keep hoping to have an accident and not live through it, and I even seem to keep doing careless things to help do so.
I know this isn't right, and I shouldn't be like this, but I can't do anything about it.. I love Elizabeth, and I'm about to kill myself here. I'm going out of my mind, and being irrational. Claiming that I'm going to move to where she lives just to be with her, whether I'll be quitting school and living in a hotel if I can get a job, or even be a homeless-person living on the streets.
Ugh; I just don't know what to do.. I've had just about all that I can take in my life. I'm starting to decide if I'm going to end up doing self-harm, or just end it. I love her, but I just can't take this..
I've tried having her as a friend, but that don't help. I've tried forgetting about her like I have all my other ex-girlfriends, but this time it's 100% different. I can't even START to forget about her. Because of them reasons, and more--> I know that I "DO" "LOVE" her and she IS the one for me..
ANSWER: Hi,
I haven't heard from you again. Is everything OK?
Sorry my friend for my slow reply. I am overloaded here. I didn't see it yesterday morning and when I saw it, it was almost midnight and I had to go to sleep for a meeting with a boss ASAP. For more rapid replies, please remember to try out my email address that I gave you before. Note that if I don't reply faster it could be because of my spam filter losing it or such.
Let me review your question again and I'll post a reply below.
How did your mother react when she heard from her mother? Do you blame her? If you were her, wouldn't you react the same way?
About her mother, her mother just like your mother cares very much about her child. You could see this from what you stated above. Your mother as you can see does not want you to be hurt and that's why she told you the truth. She knew you needed to hear this.
I question if what you have with Elizabeth is "true love" or a "want to be true love". I think it's too soon to say you love someone. You don't know her fully yet as you recently met her. You want to say you love her as much as you say you do, yet I question if you can call this true love yet. It takes time. It's confusing, I know and well rushing to say this is risky. Saying you love someone when it's the beginning of a relationship is very rushy and "iffy".
It's very common however so hopefully you understand where I am coming from and aren't mad at me for this.
I am sure your mother would love if you call her every day and talk to her about the problem you are having right now. Your grandmother is also someone there for advice. I never really knew my grandmother, so I am glad you know her.
Can I ask you a drop about your grandmother? I never really knew mine so I was wondering if you can tell me how I would maybe feel if I had known mine. She left when I was very young and my family refuses to talk about her.
Talk later,
Your friend Dan
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hi.. Everything WAS okay until this weekend.. Elizabeth and I were really wanting to be with eachother; so I went up there to West Virginia. this weekend. I saw her a couple hours on Saturday and Sunday, when we also came home..
Since I've been home, everything is hell.. I hate school and don't care anymore about anything. I hate being home because it just makes me mad/sad.. I've been throwing stuff at my closet-door repeatedly, which leads to fighting with mom about being here and wanting to be with Elizabeth.. Feeling very sick and about throwing-up, breaking-down throughout the day at home and school.
I even re-started doing something similar to suicide because I just can't take this any longer.. I'm about to quit-school and just move up there with only $200, and nowhere to go, no job, and nowhere to live..
I just.. Goddamnit.. I can't talk about it. I'm just. Ughhh. I just wanna die, and am on the edge of it right now. I hate living, nothing good is in my life.. I have nothing, and noone.. I'm even at the point where I'm going over different ways to quickly just End-It-All because I don't care anymore.. Any suggestions? Why live if I have nothing to live for, and everything in my life sucks?
Answer Matt please please please don't commit suicide. It is not a solution. Your mother cannot bear to see such, neither can I. We've known eachother for how long? Over 1 year. You told me a while back that you would like to become a psychologist. You reminded me of a good friend when you said this. I believe you would become a great psychologist if you work on studying this field more. How come I believe this? My friend is now a great psychologist and he was just like you.
Can I recommend that you sit down with a psychologist and talk to them about career goals?
