AboutDaryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology Expertise As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
Question I'm from new york, united states. 16 years of age and currently in a relationship with my girlfriend of 14.
We've been dating for 3months on monday. It has been the most stressful 3months of my life. To make a long story short, i am her first real relationship and vice versa. She has had no experience before me and recently we have had sex. We both agree it was worth it.
Just yesterday (today being sunday) her dad had found condoms in her bag. He sent her away to staten island to live with her grandmother. He father and mother are both innexperienced parents. They gave birth to my girlfriend, ciera. at the age of 17. mom being 17 dad being 19. Her mom lives in south dakota and she lives with her dad and his girlfriend.
About me ; in the past i have been a player, i never liked relationships thus me not trusting her, and worrying she would do the same. i want to be with her for a long time, we agreed on getting engaged when she reachs 16.
But now, she's going to another school and leaving me to stay here. We promised to stay loyal, but in staten island, she has all these friends and guys who liked her and vice versa. but i just dont know what to do, be happy with once a week or what? i mean I love her. and people say we dont know what love is, but who is to judge?
Answer Hello there Anthony,
You are right, no-one has a right to tell you that what you and Ciera are feeling isn't love: simply because no-one really knows how you both feel about each other except yourselves. There isn't a certain age you have to fall in love by or that most people fall in love by, instead, you just fall in love as and when you meet the right person; so maybe you and Ciera do love each other but people just don't realise this yet...remember though, there is only two people in a relationship you and her and no-one else's opinion actually matters.
It is difficult to trust someone when you yourself have been a bit of a player, simply because you think that you know what guys are like and how they act to get the girls etc; but what you are not counting on is the fact that if Ciera actually loves you, no matter how far away you are or how good looking the guy, she is only ever going to be thinking of you. Your distance will only become an issue if you make it one and if you think it won't work, then it won't. But if you change your way of thinking and let your guard down; and accept it can work if you both want it to, then it can and it will.
Long distance relationships are hard and difficult to maintain but they can work and work successfully. One of my own friends met this girl online and only saw her once every couple of months...yet they have been together for about three years now and are quite happy. They survived through chatting on the internet, through e-mail, through text messages and through cellphone calls...so why can't you guys?
Long distance relationships are not all bad and do not have to spell the end of a relationship; in fact, it can actually help. If you are not seeing each other much, when you do eventually see each other, it is so special and so worthwhile because you have so much to talk about and find out. Just being in the same room as each other instantly feels right and everything else just melts away; it can help you to realise how much you do genuinely love each other...but only if you give it a try.
I think it is important that you understand you have both made a commitment to each other and if have told her you are going to engage her when she turns 16, do you really think she would throw away your relationship the minute another guy comes along?
Temptation is strong when you are separated but that is where you devise a plan to make sure that you are never far away from each other, even if you must be physically. Ensure that you arrange a time to call her on a night time and what day to call her; arrange days to see her as and when you can and make sure that you are finding out what is going on in her life without being too overprotective.
Don't forget that whilst she is there leading her life, you are supposed to be where you are leading yours; so don't let every one of your days waste away with undue worry...accept that you love each other, she loves you, you love her and if don't feel the need to cheat on her, why would she feel the need to cheat on you?
With the internet, you will never be far from each other; but even before the internet relationships have survived for years through long distance contact. As long as you are both committed, then you have nothing to worry about...
As I mentioned before, this will only become an issue if you make it one; otherwise, it will just be a temporary inconvenience.
