AboutDaryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology Expertise As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
Question Oi, im kinda jaded. I mean, the problem is that Ive got much stuff going on in my head that i dont know what to do.. Meh, okay. Here's a little bit of whats happening: my sister. shes a year older than me. the point is that she thinks she can just see where im standing and spit on me. i mean she goes out to parties with all her false and phony friends and she thinks she has it all perfect and all, while I have to deal with all of my generation idiots. Everyone in my sisters generation, for example, seem to love each other, while in mine, we just dont care and nobody ever does a thing. damn i hate it. its not that i envy the older generation. im a cynic i guess. Other example: there's this girl i have a crush on. we get on very well and all but she has a boyfriend. I dont dislike him. in fact he's cool. but yesterday i saw this picture where he was kissing her. that made me sick. i have to admit i cried..just for a while, but it sucks and it makes me sick anyway. He's a jerk and phony thats what he is. The point here is why do nice guys finish last? damn.. other thing is, i mean, when the teacher or something talk about water, the "lifegiving water" all i can imagine is fish being caught and then eaten. or when some poet says something about flowers and rainbows and that, the only thing that comes to my head is some forest burning. its crazy i know. oh well..and life. I mean im not a life hater or something. its just that it doesnt make any sense. you live, do things, you can even be some historic person or something but anyway youre gonna die. and when you die it may be that some people will remember you, but then what? when the world comes to an end, nobody will care. we're nothing in the universe. by saying this i repeat that im no lifehater or whatever. its just my point of view. that's just a little bit of whats going on in my head..i dont know if this has something to do with that alienation thing. and i honestly dont know whats gonna happen thats why im trying to figure something out..duh.
the question in here is, wtf? why cant i undestand this things or why is everyone so stupid to realize that im the only one to notice this? damn
tahts it mate, please answer byee
Answer Hey there Max,
Sorry for the delay in getting back to you, it usually takes me about 24/36 hours but this week has been a bit hectic but I've not forgotten you!
It sounds to me that you are constantly in a thoughtful state, where you look at the World with a more realistic view than your peers; seeing it for the harsh and unkind place it is. When we go into states like this, it doesn't necessarily mean we hate the World, or indeed ourselves, but it does mean that we can see past the rose tinted glasses that everyone else seems to be wearing. If you liken it to the Matrix where everyone is plugged into a make believe World but you are unplugged and you can see the reality; it can be difficult to understand why people behave the way they do, knowing what you know...if all that makes sense.
Your inward thoughtful self, could be triggered by the alienation you feel but it is probably more triggered by the lack of understanding people are giving you with your ideas and way of thinking. If you adopt such an abstract point of view of the World that disagrees with what people are thinking; and if you choose not to go with the consensus (whatever that may be) then you do automatically stand out and through no fault of your own become isolated.
It sounds to me like you have done too much thinking recently and that you have asked a lot of questions to which we do not know the answers; and I am not for once suggesting that is a bad thing, but what I am suggesting is sometimes, asking the 'why' is not important, but accepting that somethings just happen the way they do because they do. We, as human beings, are irrational. We do not think or act always in our best interests and sometimes we even sabotage our own chances of success by predicting failure before it happens...so the rational way of thinking is not always the easiest way to think simply because noone is rational to start with.
To get on to your more specific problem, let's summarise it by saying 'nice guys finish last', Max, the number of people who feel the same as you is uncountable and it is easy to say why you would think that. But you have to understand that the problem with girls is not with you, it's with them. Girls (again acting unrationally) cannot always see the best options available to them and will go for someone whom they think they are attracted to; but in reality, it is lust or ego taking over. All that happens when relationships are formed in this way is that they rarely last or that the guy turns out to be a psychopath and hurting the girl. Nice guys bide their time in the background and form meaningful relationships over time and although it can be frustrating when it is blatently obvious to you that you are an ideal choice for someone but they don't see it, eventually they will...they just need to take off their rose tinted glasses.
It is the same as always being the friend and never being the lover; where girls see you as being a good friend opposed to being the partner you want them to be. It's not always fair and it does hurt when someone doesn't feel the same as you; but in the end, they will do, they just need to realise that the one person they have been looking for for so long is actually right in front of them...I guess what I am saying is change nothing about yourself but your perspective.
For your age you do seem incredibly mature and it is fact that most girls go for guys who are older or who think older than they are; hence why you are not the same as the young people in your generation, you are thinking outside of the box.
I think it is important though that you do put on these glasses for every so often and allow yourself to enjoy being young and enjoy being with some of the people who you hang out with. You can become too cynical and ruin your own childhood if you stay in this focused point of you. It is important to let your hair down and destress every once in while...be this playing a guitar, going out running, writing a song or whatever...as long as you allow yourself to realise that this is a mad and cruel world, but it is also one that we exit far too quickly. Spend your time making a difference rather than thinking about why you are here and that way, however short and however cruel, at least, you have a reason for being.
