AboutDaryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology Expertise As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
Question i'm not sure tht my question wud fall in this category but i cudn't find any other.
i'm 17yrs old,female.this is abt my relatives mainly my aunts(my dad's real sisters).they are like real life drama queens.let me tell u the main problem.i come from india and relatives here(or elders) have to be given a lot of importance and respect.but i absolutely hate my relatives.my aunts would earlier always trying to belittle me,they and my grandma made my mom's life a living hell in the first 12 yrs of her married life and maybe thats why i have so much of resentment for them.i wasn't all that grown up at that time obviously but now i just don't want to see them or their families and associate with them.
they'd sugarcoat their conversations with me but its pretty obvious that they have no affection for me.so,would it be wrong if i feel like snapping the relationship cords?i don't feel i'm related to them and i just don't want to continue these false dramas.
a lot of things have happened between our family and each of theirs and i obviously cannot tell u everything here.so its like "the wounds wud heal, the heart wud seal but the memory will never die".when i think of everything they did then it all comes flooding back to me and i seem to hate them even more.but my parents tell me that since they aremy relatives i HAVE to put up this false show.but then do i really have to do that?plz advise.
Answer Hey there Riya,
There is an old fashioned saying 'you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family' and it's true. We can pick who we want in our lives to support us, but we cannot choose who we have been born related to: it is something that we cannot change drastically, it is more of something we have to accept.
I know completely how frustrated you must be at being treated like a young person who doesn't know anything about the World and who is proably spoken about as if you're not there when in fact you are sat right there in the room: but for all your aunts trying to detriment you, from what you have written to me, it seems that you are indeed a very mature, very intelligent and bright young girl...so they do not have any idea what they are talking about.
It could be that your aunts, like those before them and like their parents, come from an entirely different generation where young people did what they were told and did not speak until spoken too etc and that could explain why they were so cruel to your mom; because that is all they know.
As a young, independent woman growing up in a free and independent world, it is easy to look at customs like those your aunts expect and think about how unimportant they are and to you, they may be. But it is up to you about whether or not you decide that you have had enough and you break free from your family and your family's customs and traditions, or that you uphold them until you have a family yourself and then instill less strict and forefull culture in your own children.
There is no right or wrong answer but what I would suggest is that families such as yours usually cover more than one generation, have a long history and a lot of influence because they are so close: if you are not careful, you may make things incredibly difficult for yourself and what you may see as being nothing significant, could end up costing you a lot more in terms of closer family support.
You are a young independent woman, capable of making up your own mind and this is one decision that you need to make for yourself; would it make a difference if you cut the ties to your family? Would you be happy? Would it upset your parents? You obviously have a lot to consider.
I am sorry I cannot offer you a deffinate answer but the truth is, there is not one and it is down to your own personal preference and the answer to the question: Am I happy? If you're not, then maybe you should make some changes...but be subtle and hopefully, you will get an easier life.
