AboutDaryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology Expertise As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
Question Hi, see, recently i told friend that i know for about 1 1/2 years that i liked her. Before I told her, I was really depressed because I wanted to tell her how i felt for her but didn't had the courage to do it, and also because i saw her hanging around more with my other guy friends and we didn't as much as we used to. when I told her, she said to me that she didn't know how she felt for me and she told me to wait to think about it. after some days passed(less than a week) i asked her again, and she told me she still didn't knew, because of that, i assumed that she didn't know how to tell me she didn't like me and because those days, i felt her more distant. i asked her about 3 times if she wanted to say no that she didn't had to worry cuz she will still be my friend. the first 2 times she gave me an excuse that she was still very confused, on the third one she just told me that maybe it would be the best. because of that "maybe", i still feel uncomfortable about her answer because i needed to hear a yes or a no(the Last one to move on)and also, another of my friends(that is also a close friend of her)told me that i screwed it cuz she didn't planed to say me no. And what bothers me more is that she acts like it never happened. also i recently feel like I am starting to be excluded from some of my other friends. Know, i just don't want to to anything, not even my hobbies. to make matters worst, I'm completely tired of my family because there are always arguments about anything, and the problems created are not small nor medium, they get really bad. i think i have changed because i used to be very cheerful and I happy, even the family part didn't bothered me too much, but now i don't want to live(in metaphorical sense, i just don't want to be near somebody or something known to me and ironically i feel alone. i know that maybe this feeling started because of the problem with my friend, and i want to move on, but i can't because i really like her and because i see her everyday almost the half of the whole day. what should i do to stop feeling that bad?
Answer Hey there Joe,
I am sorry to hear that you are having a bit of a rough time of late and that things haven't worked out as well as you would like liked with this girl; I hope I can offer you some helpful advice.
Girls are confusing beings and sometimes just when we think we've found the right one, they either have a boyfriend already or just see us as being a 'friend' and nothing more. This is not unusual and in fact, probably most guys have been in a situation where at least one girl they really felt a connection with couldn't feel the connection back. Maybe with you and this girl what happened was that she was a little overwhelmed at what you told her (be she may not have realized you liked her like that) and she had to take some time to herself to make sure she could understand fully what you had told her. The excuses she gave you was to probably try and give her some extra thinking time, but if you only left it a couple of days before you asked her again, she may not have had the time she needed to think about this and discuss it with her friends to get their opinion. This means then, that her opinion could not have properly have been formed and when you assumed that she was going to say 'no' without her actually saying it, you immediately withdrew away from her and didn't think to ask her herself what her answer was.
Joe, the thing this that there is still time for something to develop between you and this girl if it was meant to be; but it can only develop if you come out of your room and choose not to be awkward around her. If you've been friends for so long, it shouldn't matter what her answer was anyway because at least you have her on-side as a friend (rather have her onside as a friend than lose her at all because she won't be your girlfriend). You have an excellent resource in her because even if things are not meant to be between the two of you, she can set you up with her friends (because she knows who you'll like) and she can give you advice to get the girls in the future.
I know that you are upset, heartbroken and feeling really down at the moment but you have to get back on the horse, pick yourself up and not let this affect you. Your friend is just one girl in a World of millions and if you shy away from talking to any more girls or from being sociable, you may never meet the girl that is right for you.
With the arguments at home not helping and you taking a knock to your confidence, it is not surprising that you are feeling a bit vulnerable and it is perfectly fine to want to take some time to get your head together. I think you could benefit from talking to a counselor about things at home and about how you are feeling in yourself because it may help to boost your confidence and your self-esteem.
You should not let this knock make you question who you are or where you want to be and as difficult as it is, you seemingly need this girl in your life for social support so there is nothing wrong with trying to get her back onside and talking to her about everything.
You also need to start getting back into the swing of being around people and this includes getting involved back into your hobbies. Your hobbies will help you to meet more people, but they will also take your mind away from this matter and help you to become more confident around people. They will serve to get you out the house and to help you form new branches in your life and make more friends...and the more friends you have, the more likely it is you will meet more girls...
Joe, you are the only person who can make positive decisions in your life and if you are not happy at the moment, it is only you that can make the change and get yourself to where you want to be. If you're not happy...it's time to make a change by making today THAT day that changed your life by making you a stronger person.
