AboutDaryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology Expertise As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
Question i've been having problems with my mom for a good while now, as well with my dad. we argue all the time, about really stupid small things. i feel like my mom picks really small things out that i do wrong just so she can yell at me. i'm constantly being put down, and called fat and stupid by my mom and dad both. My mother is the one that really controls me, and i know that she wants the best for me, but shes always putting me under suck stess that i cant function all the time.
i'm 17 and will be 18 in sept. and i really think that it would be better if i moved out. dont get me wrong, i love my mom and i know she loves me but i think we'd get a long better if we didnt live together. but before i make that decision i wanted to ask if there was anything else i could do to help out the situation.
thanks
Samantha
Answer Hey there Samantha,
Thank you for writing to me and I am sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time at home: it's never easy trying to get on with your life and your school work etc, but it can be made a hell of a lot difficult when people just won't let you get on with it on your own. I just hope that I can offer you some advice and reassurance.
Parents can be incredibly critical of their children and can often put lots of undue and unhelpful pressure of them because they feel that this will help them to achieve their best. However, as you are finding, too much pressure and too much stress can actually make you perform worse because you worry about failure. By putting all this pressure on you, your parents are not only going to be affecting your concentration and your work, but also, you mental and physical well being...when we get so stressed, we lose concentration, we want to spend more time alone and we can become quite down and sad about everything; we can also lose our appetites and just not want to bother with anything...all of which is not helpful to you or what you are trying to achieve.
Maybe your parents need to be made aware that this pressure is not helping you and if they won't listen to you, is there noone at work or school that can talk to them about this and just ask them to lay off you for a bit? If you're getting good grades at the moment or you're succeeding at whatever you are doing, then you are doing so because of yourself and not because of them pushing you. You have to make your own decisions about what you want to do in life and where you want to be and your life is your own and not your parent's. They need to understand that no matter how seemingly good their intentions, you will achieve what you want to do by yourself and if they genuinely cared about you, they would support you but not push you.
If your parents are genuinely pushing you this much and are making you dread going home, then other than talking to them or getting other people to talk to them, your options are quite limited. If you can grin and bare it until you turn 18, then maybe that will give you the opportunity to break free and start your own life by getting your own place...but all this of course costs money and it is something that you will need to plan for.
But if moving out is deffinately not an option for you then there will come a point where you need to put your foot down and make your parents aware that you are not a child anymore and that you can stand on your own feet; but if you allow yourself to be treat like a child now, you have to ask yourself, when will it stop?
