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About Daryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology
Expertise
As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience
I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
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You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teenage Problems > myself
Expert: Daryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology
Date: 5/1/2008
Subject: myself
Question
Where to start!Recently i have become unhappy with my self as a person!i was always the kind of kid who was stuck in a book and not experiencing life.I always find it difficult to communicate with people my own age and im afraid to take risks.I feel afraid to take chances as there have been so many upsets in my life.It is coming to the end of secondary school and i feel unhappy with the person i am.I now think im afraid of life,should i except who i am or try to become someone new?
Answer
Hey there Donal,
Firstly, let me appologise for the delay in getting back to you: my response is usually within two days of you submitting your problem...but it's been mad here and I've been overwhelmed. But never the less, I've not forgotton about you.
Donal, if you are unhappy with the person you are now, then the only person that can change that is you. But before you go making any drastic changes, you need to look at what is good about yourself first and understand that you are unique, different and an individual, which is a positive thing. It sounds to me like you are coming to a point where you are going to have to start taking responsibilities for your own decisions helping yourself to get to where you want to be in life: and it can be pretty terrifying, especially because noone is there to make you do the right thing; instead it becomes about what you think is the right thing to do. Having responsibility over your own life when you're used to only being partly responsible means that you have to make decisions and ultimately, a couple of them may be wrong ones...but you can only ever know by trying.
In life there is no guaranteed path of certainty. Nothing in this World is certain. People will tell you their opinions and give you advice about what you should and shouldn't do in a situation, but at the end of the day, you still make your own decisions; and good or bad, as long as you learn something from them, no-one can tell you that you have made a big mistake. Life is about taking risks and it is about finding out the realities of how difficult things can be. But it is also about self discovery, expanding your horizons and trying new things.
There is a fantastic guy that travels the UK called Michael Hepple and he talks about how we are happy to sit in a bubble throughout our lives where we feel comfortable; with the same friends, the same routine and the same boring day in and day out. The minute you step out of this bubble, you feel sick, you feel nervous, you feel anxious etc so you runn straight back into where you are comfortable...in your bubble. But over time, if you keep stepping out and pushing the boundaries more and more, you will more and more comfortable with doing things you are unsure of, to the point where your life is everything you want it to be. It is OK to be nervous and worried of life, but do not let your fear stop you from doing what you want to do...whatever that may be. All you can ever do is try and if things don't work out...just try something else.
With all this going on, it is not surprising that you may be taking a negative view of yourself; but from what you described, you sound very intelligent and bright, and like other young people like you, they feel like they cannot talk to their peers only adults: which is not necessarily a bad thing.
I think you need to look at what you can do in the future to make yourself happy; look at where you want to be and how you are going to get there as a positive experience. Do not look at yourself as an outsider and remember, there are millions of people in the World at this moment who are feeling the same trepdidations that you are; you are not alone...so stop thinking you are.
I hope that helps.
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