AboutDaryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology Expertise As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
Question My family, especially my brother and father, consistently "gang up" on me in arguments. Usually, I get into an argument with my brother, and my father automatically gives him the benefit of the doubt, no matter the situation, whether I am right or wrong. My brother attacks me with ad hominem arguments, saying things like "Everyone in our family is annoyed with you" or "Why do you have to be such a little b****, can't you see that nobody here likes you?". Then, my dad (assuming my brother is always right), LETS HIM SAY THESE VICIOUS THINGS, and ALMOST ENCOURAGES HIM. To me, it feels like my dad is agreeing with all the things my brother thinks.
Recently, this happened, and my Mom did nothing to back me up, she just let my father and brother attack me. I was so hurt that I cried in my room for hours. Finally my brother and father apologized, but it meant nothing to me. These situations have happened before, and usually I just brushed it off. But, in this recent experience, I feel like they only apologized because I cried.
I feel like I can't trust my parents or my brother. Please help me sort this out.
BTW I'm 15 years old
Answer Hello there Comrade,
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling as sad as you are and that things have seemingly got so bad that you are crying and not knowing what to do. It sounds like you are having a tough time and I hope that at least, I can offer you some form of reassurance.
Firstly, you are not on your own...as strange as it sounds, you are not. There are a lot of people who have similar difficult realtionships with their parents and their siblings, so do not ever feel that what you are feeling is something only you are going through because you are deffinately not on your own. This means that there may be services for young people in your area that can help you by sharing stories and swapping adivce but you will have to look on the internet because I do not know exactly where you are. This will give you additional support as and when you need it.
Secondly, I think it is important that you do not take what your dad and your brother says personally; I know it is difficult when they are saying viscious things, but it is a form of bullying and those who bully do so because they are some way inferior; maybe you are cleverer than both of them, maybe they envy your friends...whatever the reason that they are saying these nasty things, it is not true and you should not believe what is being said to you. If they say nasty things to you just listen and don't respond, by doing this, they will end up arguing with themselves and will run out of things to say if you don't respond. If you do respond then they have more ammo to fire at you and it becomes a long drawn out argument where you will get even more annoyed and upset and that is not what we want.
Because of your age you are in a difficult situation in terms of what you can do to help yourself. If things do get that desperate that you think about running away, DON'T, get help instead. Either try and arrange to stop with a relative for a few days or a friend and just try and get yourself out of the house. If you feel in danger or phsyically or psychologically threatened (eg, you feel like you are in danger), contact the Police or Welfare services and ask them for advice. If you did try and run away you would only be brought home and this would only make things worse so it is not worth it.
Keep a diary of what is happening and how you are feeling, write down all your anger, all your frustration and anything you want to get out...you will find that this helps you to cope with everything. Keep it private and keep it hidden and that can be your little way of getting back at the World when the world is on your back.
You may also want to consider talking to the school guidance counsellor if you have one about how you are feeling, what is going on at home and whether or not the school can get involved and help you.
Realistically, your only option if you do not want to get the welfare services involved, is to grin and bare it until you are 18. I know it sounds a long time but it isn't and you can use the time to plan what you are going to do and where you are going to be and how you are going to pay for everything. Apart from that, stay out of the way, keep your head down and do not get drawn into arguments. Put all your energy into your school work or a hobby and just don't give anyone an excuse to pick a fight and hopefully, you will be out of there before you know it.
