AboutDaryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology Expertise As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
Question My mom is always complaining abotu how the house is so dirty and we never do our chores whis is stupid becuase we do all of our chores over the weekend and she is always invading my space when I realy dont need to be around her at the moment, she is always telling me to do this and do that and vacume her room and sweep the kitchen like i I am a slave and no one else in the house does anything, she always goes and calls my dad on the phone when ever I do somhind bad [like thats gonna do anything] and today she had called me greedy and wiked for some dumb small reasons. WHAT DO I DO!!!!!!!! I am 12 years old turning 13 next month and living in TX.
Answer Hello there Nen,
I am sorry to hear that your mom is putting you through a difficult time at the minute...it's not very nice when you feel like you are doing all you can, only to be told you should be doing more...but some parents are like that and unfortunately, it may have to be something that you just have to deal with until you are old enough to leave home legally.
There is no magical solution to this problem and if your mom is not going to let up or listen to your concerns and your anger, then you are just going to keep feeling like you are now, angry, hurt and wanting to leave. But if you try and rebel and run away, the only thing that will happen is that you will be returned to your parents and it could make things a lot worse for you.
The thing to remember with your mom is that she does love you and care for and although you may not think that is true, why else would she keep you and feed you if she didn't. It could be that you are taking all of her anger and frustration because other things are happening outside the family that she cannot help and control...and what we do when this happens is to lash out at those people who are closest to us and who cannot fight back...in this case, you. So don't just think that your mom is bad for the sake of being bad, it oculd just be that there are greater things going on that you don't know about...
I am not for once suggesting that you deserve to feel the way that you are feeling because you don't, but just don't take it personally and don't listen to any criticism she may give you...
Unless you are physical or psychological danger, there are few options open to you for leaving the house. Unless you know of some friend or relative locally that you could stay with, even if only for a couple of weeks at a time, you may end up having to stay at home until you are old enough to leave.
It could be that if the cause of all of this anger and attitude towards you is another problem outside the family then things will stop being so bad once it's sorted...but if it is just the way your mom does things, then it could continue. All you can really do in this situation is be mature, be grown up and make your disatsifaction known. If you behave like a child you'll get treat like one and if you shout, you'll end up getting yourself worked up. If your mom starts criticising you, learn to just say 'yes mom' or 'ok mom' and then just get on with whatever it is you are doing. If you agree with her then she cannot argue with you and if she cannot argue with you, she will have to argue with herself...which she will not like.
You are not the only young person in this situation so please don't feel like you are and do not feel like you are on your own, because you are not. Just smile and bare it and look towards the future, crack on with your studies, keep your head down and if things are so bad, stay in your room as much as possible...if you're not there to be shouted at, then you cannot get yourself worked out.
It may also be worth talking to your dad to see if he can add a perspective onto things as well.
