AboutDaryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology Expertise As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
Question Hello Mr Taylor
Thank you for helping me out. I am located in Montreal Quebec Canada I am 32 and my son is 13 years old.
My son got into a strange altercation on his last day of school another boy smaller then him began taunting him and pushing him telling him he was going to "get him". My son is 6ft tall and been in Karate for 6 years now. he remained calm but after the second push he with one arm shoved this kid against the wall and held him there for a small moment he released him and then the kid was clearly shaken up but kept saying he was going to "get him" this sunday at the pool in which my family and this kid are members of. This is the first year I have joined this pool so I do not know who this kid is or his family. I can assure you though I am not interested in having my son fight or have problems from this kid this summer. I am not sure what to do because I feel confused. Why this kid would pick on a child clearly bigger and stronger then he is and even though my son neutralized him in the first altercation he still seems interested in fighting with him more.
Sir I am deeply worried as a parent I want to step in but my son insists this kid is just being a jerk and to leave things alone. I do not know what to do.
Answer Hello Tammy,
Thank you for sharing your problem with me and I am sorry to hear that you are having concerns about this young guy's behaviour towards your son.
Firstly, I think it is a credit to you and your son, that your son did not lash out majorly and only really reacted when provoked. With your son's karate training, it would have been incredibly easy for him to have injured this child badly and to have got himself into trouble; but he didn't. I think partly the reason for his calmness is not only his sporting choice, but also, because of the values that you have instilled in him. Karate can teach him patience and obedience, but it is you that has taught him morality and peace...and I would like to congratulate you and your son on neutralising this before it became a bigger problem. It says a lot of positive things about you both.
Now in terms of this young guy, I cannot possibley begin to offer an explanation as to why he has targeted your son, whom he blatently knows would injure him in a fight, and is taunting him into action. Some young children are just prone to winding others up and it could just be that because your son is quite calm and collective and doesn't lose his temper, that this young kid has made it his mission to push him to the maximum limits of his anger until he explodes. Why would he do this? I do not know, but it is a form of bullying against your son and I share your concern about the need for it to be stopped.
My first port of call would usually be to talk to the parents and to see their level of interest in their son's actions, but as they are new to town, this is going to be difficult. However, I do think it is important that this guy is dealt with and this issue is resolved. I think it is important that your son carries on his weekly routine and still goes to the pool and anywhere else he has been put off going. By doing this, he is not letting this guy win and is showing reslliance to being taunted. I think that it could be an idea, if you know that this young guy is going to be at the pool, to talk to the staff and ask them to keep an eye out. If this young guy is being aggressive toward your son, is using unsanitary language or is just being a nuissance in the pool, then the staff have a right to kick him out and to stop him from disrupting your son's swimming. They will also inform his parents if they are there and if they are not and he is removed from the pool, this guy should either be banned or they will talk to his parents on the telephone to get this sorted. This means that if his behaviour continues at the pool and he does continue to be a nuissance after being warned then he will be permantly kicked out...leaving your son in peace...but this is just one of many places that this guy will invariably turn up and if, nothing is done and something happens at the pool, your next port of call could be the school.
The school should be able to identify whether or not this individual goes to your son's school and whether or not he is known to be causing trouble. You can then work in partnership with the school to use their powers and knowledge to stop this guy from bullying your son in and out of school. If he isn't at your son's school or you don't know; still talk to the school about this issue and ask them to raise the alert if they notice anything unusual happening during school time.
With Summer coming, you may find that going to the school is not an immediate option, but it is still worth getting them involved so that they can be aware of any issues upon your son's return; it is, in essence, forward planning.
If, after all of this you have no joy or the problem still persists, do not be afraid of going to the Police. What this guy is doing can be classed as harassment and regardless of his age, he is in breech of the law. If the Police do get involved then his parents will have to be involved and it is more likely that the issue will be addressed quickly and severely before it esculates out of hand. Getting the Police involved also ensures that if, in the event of provocation, your son does react, then the Police know that it is not his fault and will not punish him. Going to the Police seems like an unnecssary and difficult step, but at the end of the day it is your son's welfare and if you are genuinely concerned, there is nothing wrong with doing all you can to ensure he is safe. The Police will also be able to give you advice on how best to combat this issue as a parent and how to stay safe for your son.
As a parent you are doing all the right things and it is incredibly positive that you are taking concern over this issue with your son. Keep an open dialogue with him and just make sure that he tells you of anything and everything that happens to him and keep a written record of what was said and when. Also, emphasise to your son that this guy is just being a bully and that the best thing your son can do is walk away and if he needs to do anything or wants to react, then tell him to just tell this guy that the Police are going to get involved and he should back off.
I hope that this offers you some sort of reassurance and I hope that you are bit more confident with what you can do but my final bit of advice to you is to just remember, you can't do everything on your own and you all need to work together to get this stopped...hopefully, this little guy will back off before he is taught a lesson he deserves from someone other than your son.
