AboutDaryl Taylor, BSc(Hons) Psychology Expertise As a former youth worker, working in the UK and as a Camp Counsellor in the US, I have volunteered and helped young people from all over the world. I have worked for two or three websites like this in the past since I was about 13/14 and I continue to do so now at the age of 23. I can answer problems on a whole range of issues from friends and family, to drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships etc.
Experience I have worked as a youth worker for local organisations, volunteered on this and other websites giving out information for about 8 years, volunteered at my college and university doing face to face counselling and I have recently worked for an organisation in the UK which specialises in helping young people aged 13-19 to make positive decisions in their lives. I have featured in a UK based magazine called Aim Higher as a case study to show triumpth through adversity and I have recieved an Adult Learner's Award for my pioneering work at college.
Question i no longer feel comfortable around her because she can be moody and is big
partier now with a whole new group of friends, yet i don't want to avoid her
because she really wants to hang out (we used to be really close) and i feel guilty
about still ignoring her calls. Theres gotta be a solution to this...anyone?
Answer Hey there Liz,
It is possible that through life we meet people who we start off really close with but over time, for whatever reason, we start to drift away from them and this is a natural part of life and growing up. We do not have time to talk to and be friends with everyone, so it helps us to ensure that we dedicate our time to the people we need in our lives at the time...but ultimately, it also means we have to say goodbye to some people who have been there for a long time.
It could be that because you and your friends are getting older, she is wanting to get out there and start experimenting and partying (if that's her thing), but she also feels like you do in that she doesn't want to lose the bond you have together. It could be that you naturally start to drift onto your own paths and you will find that the more older you get the less you two have in common; but the key is to keep those things you DO have in common alive and part of the reason you still talk to each other.
I think the thing is to be honest with your friend and yourself; I think ignoring her calls will only make it more difficult for you to be friends with her and it may ruin any chance of staying friends at all if she thinks you are doing it on purpose. Maybe you should answer one of her calls and without mentioning any of this, just chat to her like you used to and remember why you were friends in the first place. Just because she is a big partier now and has new friends, it doesn't mean she's forgotton you or is going to force you to do anything you don't want to...so what have you got to lose by just talking to her and hanging out with her in a setting of your choice. If you don't like partying, get her to go to the movies with you and arrange something where the two of you can just enjoy each others company and afterwards, if you think things were awkward or you ran out of things to say to each other...then maybe it is time to think about whether or not you really do have groundings to be friends.
We lead a lot of different lives with a lot of different people, so it doesn't mean that because things aren't as they once were, a friendship is doomed. It just means that you both have to want to actually stay friends and are willing to compromise and talk to each other....this starts by you answering her calls and seeing how you feel from them on.
