AboutDr. Jerry Martin Jr. Expertise I will be able to answer any questions in general relation family and children issues. I will not advise or provide any information regards medication because I am not a medical doctor.
Experience I worked with at-risk teenagers and I enjoy worked with them with developing possible effective solutions. I strongly believed that every problem can be solved with a positive attitude.
Organizations Certified Member of American Psychological Association -and a Fellow Member of International Society of Counsellors
Education/Credentials I currently holds BA, MA, and Ed.D. degrees in fields of social work, psychology and family therapy. I have vast experience working with the young children and teenagers in the past 20 years.
Awards and Honors I received numberous awards from state and regional agencies for excellent community service to the youth and families in the past 12 years.
Question Hi Dr. Martin and thank you for being a part of this. I am writing about my 14 year old son. Overall I feel he is a good kid. To my knowledge he does not drink, smoke, do drugs or have sex. I am concerned about his choice of friends. He just started "hanging out" and I don't like it. He has different friends he hangs out with at different times and a couple I feel are not the best influence. Most of them have unlimited time out and just hang around doing nothing for hours. My son doesn't have a curfew, we work on a general where are you going basis. He goes to the show or putt putt and plays baseball on four teams so it isn't that he is made to be home. I just am not comfortable with teens with time to just hang out. Last week he came home with a bruised eye because him and his friends were boxing with hockey gloves. I know he is enjoying new friends (he is a freshman) but I worry. He is in summer school and made more friends there. He just left with his buddies and I gave him an 1 1/2 hours to be out. I was cleaning up his notebooks from the table and his buddy left his. Inside were derogatory gay statement about the kid with a penis drawn on every page. I know this boy has also been involved in fights at school. I am not a boy and have no brothers. Am I wrong for not wanting him to just hang out? My husband thinks I overreact and need to let him grow up, but at what cost? What are normal guidelines for 14 year olds? Also, he is immature for his age and most of his friends are a bit older. Is it right to tell him I will not allow him to hang out with certain people? Being the mom of a teenage boy is proving challenging to say the least. Thank you in advance for any words or advice you can offer.
Answer Hi Kerri,
Wonderful! I am glad your son is drug free and make sure you keep that way. It sounds like you are basically "over-protective" mom. Your husband is correct to allow him grow up but keep eye on him.
As long your son is doing well in all areas, it is okay to allow him "hanging out" with his peers, even you feel they are not good influence for him, he will have to make his own choices and mistakes along way, that how he learns. Regard to normal guidelines, it varies on each parent. Normal and healthy teenager will have good friends, do well in school, and obey your rules at home. If he met all of those above, then he is under normal guidelines.
you need to allow him to act immature sometimes with his friends, teenager usually do that. It is called learning emotions process, as long he is safe and in healthy environment.
I suggest all three of you have "quality time" together means once a week hang out together as family, and express any issues, concerns,most importantly to keep communication line open. You will learn a lot of things if you allow him to talk about stuff.
