About Carly Millis Expertise I'd love to help answer any question. I'm very open - don't be afraid to ask about anything
“taboo”. I realize that every situation is different, and I don't think life has set "rules" ---
dating older people, sex before marriage or age 18, drugs, etc. I'm super honest, and I'll
tell it to you straight. I'll be as nice as I can, but I'm going to tell the truth. I know how
crazy life can be, and how everyone needs help. I want to offer my opinion to give you
something to think about, and maybe solve your issue. SIDE NOTE: I'm especially good
with talking about depression. I suffered from severe depression for about a year and a
half, so if you're currently going through one, I'd love to help.
Experience I'm currently a teenager, but I'm considered very mature for my age (by my peers, teachers, parents, etc.). For as much as this is worth, my friends always come to me for help, and told me to sign up to help people on this website. I'm not a professional expert, but I've been through a lot, I'm pretty intelligent, and I'm open. As previously mentioned, I suffered from sever depression for a long time, so I know a TON about that. I have a therapist, and I've learned a lot about the way people think/work from her.
Organizations Latin Club =]
Education/Credentials High school senior (class of '09)
Awards and Honors Well, I consider it an honor that all my friends come to me for advice. They've complimented me many times. I don't mean to brag, though! I just want you to know that people trust me.
Expert: Carly Millis Date: 7/20/2008 Subject: my friend who is really upset
Question Today Stacy decided to get her closet even more organized than it already is so she took everything out of her closet and put them on her bed. As she was putting the itmes back in the closet the way she wanted she tried on one blouse and went in her mothers room to show her mom.
Stacy: “Mom isn’t this pretty”
Mom: “Yes”
Stacy: “This is a winter blouse. It will be beautiful with a turtle neck under it. I can wear it in the winter with a turtle neck and pants”
Mom: “You have to get a job to wear the clothes”
This got Stacy really mad.
Stacy: “Are you saying that I shouldn’t wear it if I don’t have a job”
Mom: “No, but wouldn’t it be nice if you had a job to wear them to”
Stacy: “Yes I would like a job, but I buy the clothes for me”
Stacy and her mom had a fight each saying nasty things to one another. Stacy was upset at the comment her mother made “You have to get a job to wear the clothes.” Yes Stacy wants a job, but she purchased the clothes to wear for herself.
My question: If the comment “You have to get a job to wear the clothes” was made to you would you automatically jump to the conclusion that the person was saying you don’t need the clothes unless you have a job and would you think they were saying that you should not buy the clothes for yourself or what would you think - details please
Answer Well it all depends on the wording. I don't think Stacy's mom worded it quite right, because it makes it sound as though Stacy has no right to wear the clothes without having a job. However, from the other things you told me, I can see that her mom just wants her to have some place special to wear the clothes.
If I were Stacy, I would have snapped at my mom when she said that. However, if my mom explained that she just wanted me to have someplace nice to wear them (or that she was hinting at getting a job), I would have understood her reasons.
Do I think Stacy's mom worded it the best way she could have? No. However, I don't think it should have turned into a big fight. Stacy's mom meant well, and that just got lost under her improper wording.
I think it's awesome for Stacy to want to buy nice clothes for herself. She shouldn't feel bad about that. Nobody in this situation is wrong, but I think Stacey and her mom should talk about the whole "job" thing. That's clearly a bigger issue here than just the clothes. The clothing thing just manifested itself first.
So overall, I don't think Stacy's mom believes that Stacy should "only wear nice clothes if she has a job". I think she just worded things wrong at first. Also, I can tell that both parties are sensitive about the whole "job" thing. This particular argument may be about clothes, but it's just a cover for how each person feels regarding Stacy getting a job.
Tell Stacy to talk to her mom about getting a job, and see what her mom is feeling about the whole thing. Also tell her to explain to her mom that she appreciates nice clothes even if she doesn't have a job to wear them to. However, make sure she also tells her mom that she respects her mom trying to give her advice. Mom's like that. =]
