About Carly Millis Expertise I'd love to help answer any question. I'm very open - don't be afraid to ask about anything
“taboo”. I realize that every situation is different, and I don't think life has set "rules" ---
dating older people, sex before marriage or age 18, drugs, etc. I'm super honest, and I'll
tell it to you straight. I'll be as nice as I can, but I'm going to tell the truth. I know how
crazy life can be, and how everyone needs help. I want to offer my opinion to give you
something to think about, and maybe solve your issue. SIDE NOTE: I'm especially good
with talking about depression. I suffered from severe depression for about a year and a
half, so if you're currently going through one, I'd love to help.
Experience I'm currently a teenager, but I'm considered very mature for my age (by my peers, teachers, parents, etc.). For as much as this is worth, my friends always come to me for help, and told me to sign up to help people on this website. I'm not a professional expert, but I've been through a lot, I'm pretty intelligent, and I'm open. As previously mentioned, I suffered from sever depression for a long time, so I know a TON about that. I have a therapist, and I've learned a lot about the way people think/work from her.
Organizations Latin Club =]
Education/Credentials High school senior (class of '09)
Awards and Honors Well, I consider it an honor that all my friends come to me for advice. They've complimented me many times. I don't mean to brag, though! I just want you to know that people trust me.
Expert: Carly Millis Date: 7/18/2008 Subject: A hard decision
Question Hello, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and we're both 17. Lately we've been thinking about about having sex but before we wanted to wait until we were married. It's so hard waiting though, we really want to have sex. I've been on birth control for a couple months now, just in case if anything were to happen I would have the protection. What should we do?
Answer Well this is always a tough call. What's great to hear is that you're talking about it, and he isn't trying to pressure you into something you don't want to do.
My advice would be to try other physical things before moving to sex (if you haven't already). You can't get pregnant from a hand job. Doing that may reduce your need for sex, or it may make you feel more comfortable with each other.
If you both value remaining a virgin until marriage, you shouldn't ignore that because of your desires. You might regret it when you're older. I'm not saying you SHOULDN'T have sex, I'm just saying that you need to remember your personal values. Your hormones are off the wall right now, and I don't want you to give up your ideals because you got too horny. I hope that makes sense.
However, my one good friend and her boyfriend are basically in your same situation. She originally felt the same about sex before marriage, but she decided that the feelings she felt for her boyfriend and her desire to sleep with him outweighed her original values. They slept together, and she doesn't regret it. In fact, I believe they've slept together a few other times.
Only you can decide if you're ready for that. The fantastic things about your situation are that you and your boyfriend are able to discuss it, and that you're on birth control just in case (though you should definitely still use a condom -- can't be too safe, especially as a teen). Anyway, you don't need me to tell you that sex is a big decision. I trust that you'll make the right choice, because you're seeking advice. Just remember to keep your own values in mind. If you'd rather sleep with your boyfriend than continue your choice about waiting until marriage, that's TOTALLY FINE. My friend did, and she's really happy. I'm just saying that you need to take that into account.
Finally, try as much as you can not to make a sex a "spur of the moment" thing." You need to decide beforehand how far you want to go, and stick to your plan. You'll be less likely to regret your choice later on, and will also probably appreciate your first sexual experience more.
I wish you luck, and I think you'll be happy with your decision, because you've put a lot of effort into make the right one. I definitely don't condone sex, especially in your case. I just want you to take care of yourself.
