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You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Teenage Problems > momzilla...
Expert: Donna K
Date: 9/20/2008
Subject: momzilla...
Question
I am at a loss of what to do...
I'm going into the army (of that I'm sure of ) after I graduate, but every time I try to discuss it with my mom she gets angry and starts yelling without letting me talk. every time someone else brings it up she starts saying something along the lines of "my children will never become cannon fodder if I have anything to say about it." What's worse she often talks about my future and tries to plan it in a way that she likes. How do I get her to stop fixing my life up like a play she is writing? I'm not 18 yet so I can't just walk out. I'm not trying to pull a rebellious stunt.
Answer
Hi Judith,
Wow to see someone your age with such great ambitions just delights me really. the fact that you want to serve our country is such a brave and noble act and for that I commend you for your efforts.
I feel that what you see as anger in your mother sounds to me like fear instead. there is not a mother in the world that wants their "Baby" to join the armed forces. and the reason is clear...
it is because we fear that you may never come back. it sounds as if that is what she is feeling but rather say that to you, she just lashes out. if you look at what our brave men and women of the military have gone through since the Iraq war began then perhaps you will understand why she does not want you to go.
However, I feel that regardless of all those emotions, that you must do what you feel is right in your life. when the time comes for you to "leave the nest" be as gentle and respectful to her as you can and let her know that you are a grown woman and it is time for you to live your dreams. until then to avoid any further conflict I would refrain from mentioning the military until after you turn 18. She wants what she believes is best for you so for now, just bide your time and let her continue to guide you in her own way. Remember, she is not just your mother, but also your best friend.
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